As the buzz about the recent premiere of “Love and Hip-Hop: Atlanta” proves, there appears to be no shortage of people interested in watching the (somewhat) scripted trials and tribulations of women romantically linked to moderately famous men who may not even be aware that these women exist. Does this trend have a shelf life? Possibly (and by “possibly” I mean “Are you f*cking kidding me?”), but I can’t chide creators or consumers (or web content producers) for continuing to squeeze as much blood from this stone of ratchetness as possible.
Still, while I understand why these shows continue to be made, I think I’ve learned about as much I can about the paradoxical universe inhabited by The Real Basketball Wives of Hip-Hop, and I’d like for the trend to shift towards a few other mysterious demographics I’m curious about, including…
The Real Members of Southern Megachurches Whose Pastors Have Been Disgraced But Still Somehow Give Him Unconditional Support of Dallas
As a person who’s neither Southern nor much of a joiner (It took a week of convincing just to join my old company’s 401k plan), I’m genuinely intrigued by the lives led by the type of people who --- in the face of overwhelming evidence that their spiritual leader may be a charlatan --- become even more unwavering and dogmatic with their support.
I’d definitely watch because I can’t help but wonder if they treat the rest of their lives the same way. If an e coli outbreak causes a national recall on tomatoes, do they go to the store the next day and buy as many as they can? Do they start drinking and smoking after they get pregnant? Do they comprise the bulk of the 942 people who actually saw “John Carter?” Did their ancestors try to board the Titanic while it was sinking? So many questions, so few answers.
The Real Old Guys In The Club of Newark
What, you’re telling me you wouldn’t watch a reality series about the pre and post club lives of the 39 to 51 year old men who haven’t quite yet realized that they’re too old to be at the club every weekend? You have no interest whatsoever in whether they by Brute in bulk and where they manage to find Karl Kani jean suits? You’re not curious at all if they have families at home or if they live in some sort of community with the rest of the ridiculously buttoned middle-aged men?
The Real Jitney Drivers of Pittsburgh
Whether they’re “jitneys” (their name in Pittsburgh and other Midwestern and Mid-Atlantic cities) or “gypsy cabs,” underground cab services are vital to the lifeblood of many Black neighborhoods. And, considering the diverse group of customers they come across (i.e.: Black people needing rides to and from the grocery store, Black people needing rides to and from the weed spot, Black people needing rides to and from the projects, etc), if the network could find a way to ignore the fact that Jitneys are, well, kind of illegal, a reality series about them would undoubtedly be must-see TV.
The Real “Anything BUT a Black Man/Woman” Bloggers of Prince George Country
As anyone who has any experience navigating the Black blogosphere is aware of, there exists a very small but very vocal contingent of the Black population who seems to relish in informing the rest of the world of the fact that there’s absolutely nothing a Black man or Black woman can do for them. They usually love to wrap their sh*tty attitudes around a euphemism that usually begins with the letter “E” (“enlighted” and/or “empowered” seem to be their two favorites), they seem to be so committed to trolling that they even manage to troll their own blogs, and they all seem to be big fans of Johnny Depp.
There may not be a potential reality show I’d be more in favor of than one seeking to capture the off-line lives of those suckling at the teet of exclusive interracial dating. Perhaps one of the couples profiled could even get pregnant, creating a “Wait…I’ve been saying f*ck all Black men for a decade now, and now I’m about to give birth to a kid who will undoubtedly be a Black male. What do I do???” storyline --- a bizzaro Oedipus Rex, if you will --- that might have the potential to make Black Twitter finally spontaneously combust.
And, for those still needing their pseudo-celebrity fix, we could have one of the 'nothing-but-a-White-chick men' profiled date Kreayshawn. Who wouldn’t watch this show?