Love and Hip Hop New York

Love and Hip Hop New York cast

The third season of VH1’s smash reality show hit Love & Hip Hop premiered last night and while the official number of viewers has yet to be released, judging from Twitter, most of your cousins were watching. the From the slick Mona Scott narrated intro (complete with break dancing youths on a Harlem street, 'cause it's about love AND hip-hop, get it?) to the first co-ed table flip between ex lovers Joe Budden and Tahiry, the current season seems determined to raise the bar. Or lower it. Or both at the same time.

A host of new characters make it hard to pinpoint where the juicy plots will lie. Seriously, where is the drama surrounding a “shoe consultant to the stars?” However, we have some pretty good guesses as to where the show will go. A little deductive reasoning paired with creative license and we think we know how Love & Hip Hop is gonna turn out this season:

We Learn Erica Mena & Rich Dollaz Relationship is Fake: After Jim Jones and Chrissy--- the series' main couple---left for their forgettable spin off, sideline characters Erica Mena and Rich Dollaz decided it was the perfect time for them to seize the spotlight. Erica, a model and aspiring singer, enlists Mr. Dollaz to be her on-camera love interest. Under a cloak of secrecy the two agree to make this plan work. They don’t even tell Olivia, Rich’s longtime friend and management client. Of course, now the couple is claiming to be engaged. However, there’s been no sighting of a ring to validate their claims. Their “wedding” will be the underlying storyline season 4 and the biggest dilemma is whether or not Olivia is invited.

Think Kenya Moore and Tow Truck Walter on Real Housewives of Atlanta, but with both parties sticking to the script.

Consequence and Jen The Pen Get Their Own Spin Off: Most folks joining an ensemble reality show cast do so with the hope of becoming the breakout star and getting their own show. Considering Consequence has played most of his musical career in the shadows of his more famous counterparts---Q Tip is his cousin and he was once signed to Kanye West’s G.O.O.D. Music label---this show is his final spring board. The storyline of his conflicting religious views with baby mama Jen the Pen prove to be way too complicated to address in one season. Cue Love & Hip Hop: Dubai. Cons, a practicing Muslim, moves his family to the United Arab Emirates where he is joined by the rapper formerly known as Loon, Amir Junaid Muhadith. Unlike the two previous series, L&HH Dubai really is about the Hip Hop because it’s too hot to fight or flip tables when it’s 95 degrees all the time.

Iyanla Vanzant Hosts the Reunion Show: Thanks to the high ratings for Iyanla’s interview with Evelyn Lozada of VH1’s other reality franchise Basketball Wives, Oprah lends her out to begin the healing after a tumultuous season. Her first order of business: empowering Tahiry to walk about from Joe Budden’s mind games (which she doesn’t or else there will be no need for her to be on the next season). Then the spiritual advisor addresses Yandy and Mandeecees' unbalanced relationship. She pulls out a pair of pants that symbolizes his manhood and from the pocket, a symbolic key for the house they are to get together as equal partners in order for their relationship to flourish. Lastly, Iyanla asks Olivia why she is there.

Chloé A. Hilliard is a journalist & comedian based in New York City.