In case you ever wondered, Kim Zolciak might do very well in a hog-calling contest one day, judging by her high-pitched call to “SWEETIEEEEEEE” to kick off this episode of “Real Housewives of Atlanta.” Last night, we watched a couple of relationships gets drop-kicked through the goalposts of life on the show, so let’s get into the tea!
Kim’s Bitter About Sweetie – “Sweetie has become my friend instead of my worker.” Kim’s frustration with Sweetie continues because she disappears as they try to put the new house together. Since taking smoke breaks isn’t technically “work,” Sweetie is proving to be as useful as an inkless pen. However, since she’s been working for Kim for 12 years, the loyalty she’s shown is saving her. Kim says you can’t buy loyalty, but you sure can pay for an assistant who actually works.
Peter’s Poor Party Planning – Cynthia and Peter’s first anniversary party is coming up and Peter’s handling all the logistics. In typical Peter fashion, the finances of the party aren’t all together, and he’s 20% over a budget of $10,000. Even more typical is the fact he has to borrow money from Cynthia to cover the expenses. When she wonders why the party has to be so big, he says “to please the type of people we roll with, we have to do it a certain way.” Uncle Ben, how about you please the people you know by not having a line of credit with your wife? You know what’s impressive, Sir Gray-A-Lot? Living within your means. Womp!
Ne Ne and Gregg Question Bryson – Bryson is finally picked up from jail by Gregg, and comes home to a disappointed Ne Ne. When he’s asked why he tried to steal measly razors, Bryson has no answer. Ne Ne seems to be at the end of her ropes with him so she tells him he has to get a job and move out. She feels it’s time for him to grow up and do something with himself besides make perpetually bad decisions.
Marlo A Bold-faced Lie – Sheree, the neighborhood snitch, tells Miss Lawrence about Marlo’s use of the f-word (that rhymes with maggot) in South Africa. If loose lips sink ships, Sheree’s soup coolers would be icebergs. At Cynthia and Peter’s party, Lawrence pulls Marlo to the side to ask about it and she denies ever using the word. The devil is a LIE! Telling a lie that big is for moments that aren’t recorded and televised to millions. The side-eye that Miss Lawrence gave her said a nonverbal “You ain’t gotta lie to kick it, Marlo.” Then she hit him with the “I have so many gay friends,” the last words of self-awareness lacking homophobes everywhere.
Petty Peter and Moping Malorie – The bad blood between Peter and Malorie hasn’t subsided since the wedding from a year ago, and it might have even worsened. Peter informs Cynthia that Malorie can’t ride with them in their limo to the party, and Mal called him an “asshole” for it.
Then at the shindig, Peter makes a toast “to family and friends…and Malorie.” He threw so much shade at Mal that her side of the room must have gotten darker. Uncle Ben was being pretty petty, and Mal stormed away really upset. I can’t say I blamed her because it was such a messy display, and a bit humiliating. Cynthia talks to her sister and tell her to get over the beef with Peter. Mal responds by leaving the party in a huff. WHOOPS.
Next week, Ne Ne’s divorce is looming and Cynthia lets her sister know she was embarrassed by her tantrum at the party. It’s so cold in the A. How’re they ‘posed to keep the peace?