Kreyshawn

Kreyshawn

When I first saw the image of a White girl spitting not-so-hot fire about various designer labels, chicken-heads, Swisher Sweets, and bad b*tches while saluting the city of Oakland and saying you can spot her selling Adderall at a college campus near you I thought, “Oh, this is sketch right? It’s okay, I guess. Maybe SNL will hire her.”

Not long after someone informed me that the rapper behind it, Kreayshawn, was being serious. My thoughts then shifted to, “Damn you 106 & Park and World Star Hip Hop. This is all your fault!” Well, not really, but someone needed to bear responsibility for what looked like a parody of most rapping Negroes of the last 15 years or so.

Regardless of what I made of Kreayshawn and her “Gucci, Gucci,” the video went viral – amassing close to 40 million views on YouTube. In the middle of all this was controversy over her crew, the ever-so-classy White Girl Mob, and her N-word loving bestie V-Nasty. The girls were the subject of many a scathing op-ed, but received the co-sign of a few male rappers, such as Mistah Fab and Fat Joe; unsurprisingly, Black women were both absent from Kreyshawn's videos and from the group of folks coming to her defense.  

Alas, the drama and the success of her single reportedly netted her a million dollar deal with Sony. As most longtime hip-hop fans can imagine, that pissed plenty of people off given they can rap better than her while both drunk and with their tongues duct-taped down to their chins.

For all those that painted the Bay Area rapper as nothing more than a gimmick, congratulations, you now have permission to say, “I told you so.” That is, if you’re into that sort of thing. I have opted to be one of those people for this occasion.

Kreayshawn’s debut album, Something 'Bout Kreay, sold a not very whooping 3900 copies last week. No, that’s not a typo. Kreayshawn sold less than 4000 copies last week. Even if it was only released digitally last week, those aren’t good numbers. Apparently, it’s the worst debut of a major label artist ever.

Not entirely sure that is the case – who’s got the stats on the Jacksons not named Michael and Janet around? – but no matter how historically bad it is, it’s bad all the same.

I don’t make a habit out of cheering for someone’s failures, but there’s a lesson in this.

One, don’t assume a career can solely be made off a YouTube sensation. Yes, Justin Bieber found his way crooning classics on there, but we’re still a country where a video of a cat taking a piss on a chair with a crooked smile can amass millions of hits, too. No shade (completely), Kreayshawn, because your video had a much better production value.

Still, she had one song with a decent beat so why would a label throw her out to the wolves on that alone? And her label had the nerve to charge $9.99 to boot. If Rihanna had to sell some of her past albums for .99 cents and a smile on Amazon with hits under her belt, that should have told Kreayshawn and Sony something.

Despite the embarrassing figures, the rapper who lists her name as “Kreay Kardashian” on Twitter (sounds about right) gave airs that she is unbothered by the Nelson Muntz-like reaction to her sales. She tweeted, “Im so confused right now. Why is everyone so concerned with me? I think I'm just really popular.” She also added, “Aware & Don’t care.”

Maybe she knew better than to spend all of her advance money.

If it’s any consolation, I no longer think Kreayshawn is purposely trying to play the joke on Black folks. And even if she were, the fact that her flow is a mesh of Darlene from Roseanne and No Limit’s Silkk The Shocker makes results in her being the bigger laugh in the end anyway.

I sort of hate to kick her while she’s down, but maybe a nice trip will help her plan better for the rap future. Better yet...she can perhaps plan for another future alltogether.

Michael Arceneaux is a Houston-bred, Howard-educated writer and blogger. You can read more of his work on his site, The Cynical Ones. Follow him on Twitter: @youngsinick