Love and Hip Hop

The cast of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta

I knew "Love and Hip Hop Atlanta" was going to be full of drama but I wasn’t expecting it to be this epically ratchet right out the gate.

Mimi is the girlfriend of Stevie J, a Grammy Award-winning music producer, and Ariane is her BFF. Stevie works with Joseline, who has dreams of international stardom. K. Michelle and Karlie are two other cast members who sing/rap. Then, there’s Erica, Lil Scrappy’s girlfriend and his mother Momma Dee.

Far, Far Away – Mimi and Stevie J have a daughter and have been together for 15 years (according to her). He might not say the same because there’s that whole relationship he had with Eve the pitbull in a skirt, making their daughter’s name (Eva) a bit odd.

Stevie surprises Mimi with a house, which would be sweet if it wasn’t way outside of Atlanta. It’s clearly his way of getting her away from him while he does who knows what with who in the city. Mimi knows this and is less than enthusiastic about the house, which according to him, means she’s ungrateful. Girl…

No Love for Scrappy – Erica’s been with Lil Scrappy for over 10 years. Well, minus the many times he cheated on her and had other relationships. Like when he dropped her for the rapper, Diamond, who then dropped him for Soulja Boy. It’s a circle of foolery. Scrappy complains that Erica isn’t showing him enough love. Sir, you didn’t show her love with your infidel ways!

Music Dreams Deferred – K. Michelle recently got out of a relationship that derailed her music career so she’s looking for a restart and is back in the studio. She also meets with her friend, Rasheeda, who is basically Alicia Keys circa 2001, complete with the cornrows and the hard edge.

[JOSELINE IN HER OWN WORDS]

Then we see Joseline as she meets up with Stevie J. She wants to become a music star and she makes it clear that they have a sexual relationship going on with thinly veiled innuendos. And then she busts out a body roll from nowhere. She reminds me of a worst-behaving Puerto Rican Rihanna. I’ll be calling her RihanNAWL.

Big Momma Strikes – Lil Scrappy complains to Momma Dee about Erica’s lack of affection towards him. We learn that Momma Dee used to be a pimp and dope dealer way back, which is why she acts like such a thug misses now. But she listens and tries to see that Erica must be hurting as a woman. She meets with Erica to talk about the issues with Scrappy and goes off on the poor girl. When she’s told she’s out of line, all her uncouth comes out in a rant that was so indecipherable that she had to subtitled.

The Busted Brunch - Stevie meets up with aspiring rapper Karlie and her dude, Antonio Reid, and brings Joseline along. Karlie wants to work with him, so in an attempt to impress, she does a “Jamaican rap.” It was as terrible as you can imagine. As they eat, Joseline and Stevie flirt shamelessly, although she says he’s just her manager. In case we didn’t get it that they’re getting it in, she toasts him with “If I don’t look at you in your eyes, it’s seven year of bad sex.” She’s as subtle as Evelyn Lozada’s eyeshadow.

That Awkward Party When... – It’s K. Michelle’s birthday and she’s having a shindig at the club. She invites Karlie, who reconnects with Mimi after years of losing touch. As the ladies sit down and chat, Karlie brings up Joseline and says she’s a “ride or die for her man. Her man is Stevie J.” SCREECH! That awkward moment when your friend tells you your boyfriend’s side chick is awesome.

Right on cue, Stevie shows up to the party with Joseline and sees fire in Mimi’s eyes. They boldly deny any funny business, lying like two dusty Persian rugs. Stevie ain’t about that life for cheating on Mimi with RihanNAWL, who came dressed like Foghorn Leghorn and Toucan Sam had a tacky baby.

Mimi is understandably upset, but Stevie shows how many dambs he does not give by leaving the party with Joseline.

Episode one of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta was messier than a hoarder’s house, so naturally, I can’t wait to tune in next week! The tea overflows!

Luvvie is a writer, social media strategist and Red Pump Rocker, who blogs at Awesomelyluvvie.com. You can follow her on Twitter @luvvie and like her on Facebook.