THE WEEKLY READ:<br />
Dear Keri Hilson

Hey Keri:

Whenever I think about your Twitter mentions, I hear the voice of Marion Gilbert (as played by the divine Diahann Carroll) shouting “DIE! JUST DIE!” at Dwayne Wayne after he interrupted Whitley’s wedding to Byron Douglas to declare his lingering love for her. That’s pretty much a request a sizable group of your online detractors asks of you every other tweet. Suffice to say, I can see why you’ve reached your breaking point (See what I did there? You’re welcome.) and started openly complaining about strangers demanding that you fall into a tar pit.

Those folks are dead wrong for such cruelty, but before we get to them, let us reflect on how your pettiness helped cause this problem.

You already know about the “Turnin’ Me On” remix where you not so subliminally dissed Ciara and Beyoncé, though you claim you didn’t mean it nor was it your idea. Well, whose idea was it to throw in your little digs and insinuations elsewhere? Say, your VIBE cover story where you talked about walking around the Morehouse/Spelman Homecoming without an entourage and security. What was your point in saying “I mean, can you imagine Beyoncé doing this?” as if you didn’t already develop a reputation for hating the ground she twerked on?

By the way, to answer your question, no we can’t once you take her level of fame into account. If Tito Jackson can understand this about Michael, you should grasp that about Beyoncé.

Moving on, what about the time you refused to hold up an issue of Juicy magazine because Beyoncé and Jay-Z were on it? I believe you looked at them and went: “Yeah who’s that? No, I can’t do that. I’m sorry.”

But let you tell it, it’s the fault of bloggers and the gullible fools who read them for believing everything they half-read and see online. God bless you and all that, but this is more like your big mouth than anything resembling the myth of Big Foot.

There are other examples of you two-stepping in some mess. Like when you dissed Ke$ha by saying on camera, “I hate that b*tch” as you proceeded to ask that her songs be turned off in favor of “some real music.” And while this wasn’t a diss, it was a bit odd to see you tweet “Gasp* Amy Winehouse resurrected to party w/ me!!! (seriously, uncanny resemblance)” two days after she died.

Oh yeah, you recently sent the following message to Kanye West (with a smile) in an interview with Rap-Up: "Don't get too wrapped up in baby world that you forget about Keri Hilson 'cause we make great music together." 

Bless your heart, you were probably kidding and just may be a lovely person in-person. Nevertheless, you’ve got to understand that not everyone is going to get you and your Cruella De Vil sense of humor. And again, while I don’t condone people hiding behind anonymity to say vile things to you, you can’t be nasty and messy and then proceed to feign befuddlement when met with a taste of your own medicine.

You are gorgeous and write some nice songs, so moving forward focus on that and set your slickness levels to the extra low.

Now as for the Twitter terrorists who occupy her mentions every day: So what if you think Keri Hilson, or any celebrity for that matter, isn’t the nice person? What sense does it make to in turn tell them to drop dead? She didn’t beat you, molest you, steal from you, or dropkick your mama. Her biggest crime is that she possibly does not like Beyoncé. Obviously, that’s a flaw, but you pray for the Beythiestst, not pile on them daily with the meanest thing your petty selves can conjure.

To that end, instead of telling Keri Hilson to lose a life, do yourself a favor and get one – starting with placing your keyboard, laptop and/or cell phone under a running faucet.

Michael Arceneaux is the author of the “The Weekly Read,” where on the surface the shade might make the culprit want to curse, but trust, it comes from a place of concern. Tweet him at @youngsinick.