Girlfriend, how could you treat T-Boz, Left Eye, and Chilli so bad (oh, oh, oh)? Now, I will say that regardless of what did or didn’t happen between you and TLC, VH1’s CrazySexyCool: The TLC Story had you looking like you were created from an orgy consisting of Joe Jackson, Mathew Knowles, and all of the Lehman Brothers. Hell, I’m surprised the screenwriter didn’t have you tell one of the ladies, “Eat the cake, Annie Mae.”
That’s got to suck, sis, so my condolences over your depiction in the movie resulting in your Twitter mentions mirroring a haunted house for the rest of your natural life. Even so, are you really about to try to play victim moving forward? You can’t possibly think that’s a good idea.
You tweeted before the premiere: “I'm NOT here to promote something I put on the MAP and yet have been disrespected by because of more reasons than one! Lawyers on deck.”
Yes, we know all about your lawyers.
On your legal fight with TLC over you allegedly cheating them out of millions of dollars, the New York Times reported in 1996 about the very low points the women were given on their albums. Plus, as VH1 taught us, you, woman who used to sing about boys riding in your Mercedes, gave those women Toyotas, which were probably used...and made them pay for them!
That ain’t right, Preacher Perri. That ain’t right.
Also, did you really ask Chilli, "Does it bother you I wear diamonds on my fingers and carry Chanel bags?" And why didn’t you let T-Boz eat? Don’t you know you need protein before you pop they way Tionne used to?
They actually did you a few favors in the movie. I watched T-Boz and Chilli’s interview with “The Breakfast Club” and T-Boz claims that your real quote about her being sick yet still needing to perform was toned down compared to what was really said.
T-Boz says you told the crew, “Well, I don’t care if we gotta roll her out on a wheelchair, she gon’ do this performance tomorrow.” How can you be that mean to someone with sickle cell? You better hope God is more of a Destiny’s Child stan, otherwise you better step your penance game up.
Speaking of the Lord, another of your tweets leading to the premiere: “He who states his case first seems right, until his rival comes and cross-examines him. (Proverbs 18:17 AMP)”
I can’t even give you the benefit of the doubt (see what I did?) here. What would Jesus do? The answer is “give TLC more points on their album.” Pebbles, there’s no way a couple Bible verses are going to spare you from the public dragging people feel that you’re owed. That didn’t spare Eddie Long and it won’t spare you.
To believe or not to believe: that is the question. The answer is no, so let's talk about your options.
Here’s what you ought to do whenever you start doing press “to set the record straight”: Say you’re sorry, or at the very least, say you respectfully disagree with your portrayal, but you wish them all of the best.
Shoot, T-Boz and Chilli still say despite past dealings with you, they wish you all the best. I don’t believe that after watching the movie, but you know, it sounds better than, “I HATE HER AND SHE STILL OWES ME SOME DAMN MONEY.”
You keep it cute and maybe, just maybe, the grandchildren of TLC stans won’t be doing the “Creep” choreography” over your tombstone.
Don’t you dare speak of a lawsuit, because if memory serves me correctly, those TLC contracts were released back to the 1990s and even the worst of the worst in the industry were like, “Aww man, homie.”
You can’t win, you can’t get even, and you can’t get out of the shame. Thank you for helping usher in one of the most innovative groups in music history, my pelvis loves you for it.
But again, don’t come for Auntie Tionne and Rozonda ‘cause baby-baby-baby, most of us will never, ever believe you – and it might prompt Left Eye’s ghost to haunt you.
P.S. Your first album still slays. Smile.
Michael Arceneaux is the author of the “The Weekly Read,” where tough love is served with just a touch of shade. Tweet him at @youngsinick.