[THE WEEKLY READ]<br />
To the Harlem Shake Fakes...

YouTubers doing the "new" Harlem Shake (left) and the original Harlem Shake

Dear Baauer,

Let me start off by saying congratulations on winning the lottery by way of creating what looks to be 2013’s answer to "The Macarena." Nevertheless, even though I may be from Houston, I’m going to join the folks who can recall Harlem before Whole Foods wanted to set up shop for its influx of new white residents in hating you to your core. And you, real Harry Rodrigues, deserve every bit of the resentment headed your way as the days and YouTube video uploads go by.

Why couldn’t you have just called that song something else? Since there was obviously already a Harlem Shake in existence and has been for a good while now, why couldn’t you have dubbed your creation the Williamsburg Wiggle, the Belgium Boogie, or the Ottawa Offbeat? How about something after the street you grow up on as a child? There’s also the name of your first pet or anything else that mirrors one of the security questions Google asks you when you forget the Gmail password.

This is much, much worse than the time the groups California Swag District and The Rej3ctz stole the dougie from Dallas rappers because at the very least it’s all still within the realm of hip-hop.

Where in the EDM hell did you come from?

After checking out your Soundcloud and hearing various southern rappers on your “Dum Dum” beat I had to figure out what your purpose was.

According to EDM Sauce you represent “Trap-Trip Hop” which means: “This style of music, which incorporates heavy bass and raspy, “trappy” snares in the form of an amalgam of crunk hip-hop beats and electronic music, has exploded on the scene over the course of the past few months and has seemingly surpassed moombahton as the fad sound of the now.”

In other words, not only did you gentrify the Harlem Shake, you did so under a production style of dance music that sonically borrows heavily from an already existing subgenre of hip-hop (addressing certain socioeconomic conditions you probably have very little understanding of). How culture vulture of you. After you read this maybe we can c’mon, vogue, and let our bodies move to the music. Hey, hey, hey.

Are you like one of those hipsters who think they know about the trap and the south overall because you enjoy Waka Flocka?

For the record, I hope you know the Harlem Shake revisited is nobody’s Harlem let alone the trap.

Moreover, I don’t know if Azealia Banks’ uploaded image of alleged email of yours boasting of her remix of your track (only to later bash it) is true, but it does seem peculiar how a person who jacked a hip-hop dance would protest a rapper doing a very hip-hop thing of rapping over a popular beat.

But that’s not exactly atypical of your ilk, is it?

Now, because you couldn’t think of a more original name for your beat, the actual Harlem shake may very well likely be wiped from popular memory, or worse, pushed 75 pages back on a Google search.

You owe the people of Harlem a fish sandwich, Popeye’s combo and some Beats by Dre for penance. You should also to travel by foot from Brooklyn to Harlem reciting the lines of “Special Delivery” while doing the real Harlem Shake and the Diddy bop as punishment. It’s the least you could do for annoying so many people for good reason.

P.S. Everyone, if you or someone you love is doing the new Harlem Shake, cut that mess out. It ain’t the move, yo.

Michael Arceneaux is the author of the “The Weekly Read,” where on the surface the shade might make the culprit want to curse, but trust, it comes from a place of concern. Tweet him at @youngsinick.