THIS HAPPENED:<br />
Porcha Blindsided by Divorce, Jaden Gets His Fresh Prince On

Jennifer Williams is still here, Jaden Smith is rapping and Porsha Stewart's "picture perfect life" might not be so perfect after a

Porsha Stewart looks exactly like Thelma from Good Times and her husband, Kordell Stewart, played football just like Thelma’s husband Keith. Together, they were like that couple after they left the ghetto and were molded in the image of early Ike and Tina. What could go wrong with a union like that? Well, Kordell let his wife off her leash – Bravo’s The Real Housewives of Atlanta – and after she ordered a taste of freedom with a side of career ambition – he told her, “Better get your cab or get on the bus. I ain’t got no time for you talking all that chunk.” Sadly, he’s since filed for divorce and will likely be making sure he gets another toy from the submissive Barbie line. Good luck with marriage number two, Porsha. [TMZ]

Presumably aware that once false quote might unleash the band of warriors known as the #Beyhive, Brandy kept it nice and politically correct when answering what she made of Beyoncé’s latest musical offering. She explained: “I think art is freedom. You should be able to express yourself the way you choose to express yourself. Of course people are gonna have their own opinion, but opinion is opinion. I think art should be expressed the way it should.”

So does that mean she’s talking about eating boudin in the parking lot like me everyday since its release? Not so fast, “I don’t love the song. But I love Beyoncé. I just have to be honest. You know…” Brandy confessed. That’s okay, girl. Not everyone’s perfect. Still, put your nunchucks away, Beyoncé stans. Brandy is one of us…and I didn’t see it for “The Best I Never Had.” [theGrio]

Not that anyone around here condones or condemns such behavior, here’s a bit of advice: If you’re going to go the prostitute route, protect your genitals.

Yes, have contraception, but maybe know a thing or two about a karate chop once and how to cry for help as loud as humanly possible. One Florida man is learning a valuable lesson about this after an escort allegedly tried to bite his penis off. Apparently, while performing fellatio the woman “became more aggressive, and she began to bite his genitals. He described it as if she were trying to eat his penis and testicles.” Though he tried to get away, the woman “was too powerful and he could not get her off of him.” Proving she meant business, she snatched that cell phone away when he tried to call for help. [Crunk + Disorderly]

His daddy may be Will Smith, but when Jaden Smith raps he sounds more like Q-Tip’s son. The mama is suburban angst, obviously. Proving he’s more committed to this music ish more than sister Willow is, Jaden has dropped a music video for his track “Hello.” [YouTube]

Basketball Wives star Jennifer Williams is a divorcee whose former husband tossed a drink in her face on national television. Obviously, that’s who you want love advice from. Still love you, though, Jen. Promise. [Lucid]

Try as she might to “clean it up” for middle America, the Wendy Williams of days past continues to creep out more and more on her daytime talk show. Ask Lauren London, who managed to bob and weave around questions about the father of her child, Lil’ Wayne…and those child support checks. [Necole Bitchie]

Ever wondered what Ashanti would sound like over a track intended for Danity Kane in 2008? Well, there’s now an answer to that pressing question available. [Love B. Scott]

So, uh, porn star Mr. Marcus tries to clear up all those pesky rumors about him contracting STDs and faking test results to secure work. [Miss Jia]

Pat Houston doesn’t want to join Whitney Houston in Soul Heaven just yet, y’all. She was just complaining about back pain. Let that be a lesson to everyone, though: Learn tone or better yet, learn when to keep some things in closet or between you and your doctor. [Yahoo]

Another day, another magazine cover for Beyoncé to slay. [The YBF]

Keri Hilson’s upcoming single will be co-produced by Timbaland and Mike Will Made It. Between Keri, Ciara, and Kelly Rowland, and you know who, we might have the strongest quarter for female R&B album releases since summer 2003. [That Grape Juice]

Michael Arceneaux is a Houston-bred, Howard-educated writer and blogger. You can read more of his work on his site, The Cynical Ones. Follow him on Twitter: @youngsinick