This Week in Ratchet:<br />
The Best of the Worst in Pop Culture

Oprah Winfrey, Chad Ochocinco, and Evelyn Lozada

A little tea (and shade) from the past week in celebrity stunts and shows...

You ARE… the Father! (Perhaps)Kris Humphries, soon-to-be ex-husband of Kim Kardashian, can’t seem to stop making bad decisions in love and lust. His ex-girlfriend, Myla Sinanaj is pregnant and she claims that he is the dad. Myla is three months along, which would mean that Kris hopped in bed with her not long after his breakup with Kim. So much for telling the court how emotionally distressed he was. Still, how hard is it to NOT impregnate someone right after your wife files for divorce??? I guess it must be as hard as showing you have a personality that isn’t as dry as a rice cake. Kris is having the worst year EVER. But to add insult to injury, Myla hasn’t told Kris yet. Just like his divorce, he had to discover this life changing news on TMZ. OOP.

The Golden Gift – The couple known as KimYe (Kanye West and Kim Kardashian) seems to be heating up. Apparently, Kanye gifted Kim with a gold lion statue that comes blinged out in white diamonds, for a cool $35,000. The folks over at Hip Hop Hollywood say it’s even inscribed with KKW. If 2+2=4, then I think that W is for West. Which would be strange considering that the H (Humphries) on Kim’s name is still not dropped since her divorce isn’t even finalized yet. I mean, goodness gracious. Folks might need to take a gulp of fresh air and cool out. At least until the judge says you’re unhooked from your last binding oath.

Chad and Evelyn Forever, For Now At Least​- One of reality TV's favorite couples (I'm being nice) shocked everyone by jumping the broom this week. And how do we know that the long-awaited Chad and Evelyn Ochocinco nuptials took place? Because, according to Madame Noire, the groom live tweeted the ceremony. Nothing says "I'm so in love and so serious about this marriage" like keeping your UberTwitter popping before, during and after. Chad also revealed the couple's next moves: "I got my wife now it’s time to get my game back… @CoachC_C turn up I’m on the way to LA… football season is the honeymoon…" Classy. Anyway, congrats to Evelyn on putting the "Wife" in "Basketball Wives." 

Fantasia Lost Antwaun Says Instagram – The saga of Fantasia and her married-to-someone-else baby daddy, Antwaun Cook, won’t end. It’s an epic tale of bad decisions, and this week she’s on the losing end once again. TheYBF says Antwaun might now dating Kendra from the Bad Girls Club, and Tasia Mae is broken up about it. The news came out because Kendra posted a picture of herself an Antwaun on Instagram, and then deleted it. But before she did, folks had screencapped it.

Oh Fantasia… “I mean, can you believe that the man who cheated on his wife with you can then cheat on you with someone else? I SURE CAN’T BELIEVE IT!” says no one. I don’t understand Antwaun’s appeal with these women because he’s proven to be a terrible partner over and over again. Maybe now, Fantasia can move on to better things. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Oprah’s Family Feud – No good deed goes unpunished and we see that happening this week, as Oprah buys her father’s barbershop, which was going into foreclosure. Vernon Winfrey has been running the shop for almost 50 years and it was being auctioned off, meaning he’d lose it completely. However, Oprah stepped in and bought the property for over $475,000, and managed to ruffle some feathers for it. Barbara Winfrey, her stepmother, is livid because the sale means she no longer owns the barbershop with Vernon. She thinks Oprah doesn’t care about the community, when really it seems that she’s just upset for her own selfish reasons. I’d offer her a seat in the barbershop to occupy but she probably lost the key in the sale so WOMP.

According to FOX8, Oprah’s spokesperson said Vernon will still be managing the shop on a day-to-day basis. And to cap off Barbara’s terrible week, Vernon filed for divorce from her this week. This is really why her salty is showing. Poor thing has no place to tuck it in. I shall cue some violins on her behalf.

Luvvie is a writer, social media strategist and Red Pump Rocker, who blogs at Awesomelyluvvie.com. You can follow her on Twitter @luvvie and like her on Facebook.