Dear B. Scott:
I don’t like my son’s new wife. I don’t exactly know why, it might be a mother’s intuition, but something about her completely rubs me the wrong way. I don’t know what to do. The rest of the family has fallen in love with her, but I don’t see it! How do I deal with this?
Trust me, love muffin, I definitely understand how it feels to dislike someone that married into your family. However, at the end of the day, she is now a part of your family and the likely mother of your future grandchildren. As a mom, you’re expected to be supportive of your son and his choices. While you might not like your new daughter-in-law, you have a matriarchal duty to respect her.
Through the years I’ve realized there are things in life that I may not like to do, but I have to do them for the greater good of all involved parties. This is one of those situations.
I think that you should try to be the ‘bigger person’ and be as pleasant as possible. Every good mother raises her children to make their own decisions. Your son marrying a woman that you dislike is one of those decisions and you have to respect that.
Have you talked to your son? Does he know how you feel? I think it’s important that you be completely honest with him, just so he’s not blindsided if one day you can no longer contain your thoughts and feelings. Make sure that this is a respectful conversation; instead of focusing on "I don't like her," discuss your specific concerns about the woman. Perhaps there has been some level of misunderstanding...a little mother-in-law/wife bonding time may be in order!
Make sure your feelings of dislike are valid. Often times when a mother’s son decides to share his life with another woman, the mother feels threatened. It’s a natural instinct to be protective, but I hope there’s more to how you feel than that.
I would hate for your dislike of your daughter-in-law to diminish the love your son has for you.
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