may or may not feel [romantically] about her.
So the keys are patience, stay focused on the goal and be humble. It’s not about you, it’s about the child. Stay focused on the happiness and environment of the child, even if it feels like you’re losing. Is the choice of winning or losing a battle more important than the health of your child? It takes some time if there’s a lot of wounds and a lot of pain, but just be patient.
When you break up, don’t go out and find someone else right away. Slow down. Don’t have any more kids because that just causes more problems. It’s not easy to blend families because too many relationships have to be maintained. With my wife, I walked into her life with two girls and she walked into my life with one girl and we all have to get along or it doesn’t work. That s the reality of blended families and it gets even more complicated the more people you have involved. When you’ve got that big of a matrix going on and folks that don’t like each other and can’t get along, it’s only a matter of time before it explodes.
EBONY: At what point do you think you can call the Fatherhood Buzz initiative a success?
KB: The end goal is healthy children. We will be able to see the success in our working with parents through the outcome of our children. If we can create an atmosphere that is healthy for children, we will create great atmospheres where people can fall in love and want to be married and want to take care of their children.
An Ad Council survey was just put out that says 97% of all dads say that on the day of their child’s birth was the most exciting and best day of their lives. So you’re going to tell me that many men have a change of heart and decide they don’t want to be there for their children? Life happens. When you’re trying to survive, you’ll do anything, and if you’re trying to survive and you’re in pain, take it up a notch. You’ll do things you couldn’t ever imagine yourself doing, like abandoning your children. But if your environment is right, you’ll probably do the right things when it comes to making a family. We’ve just got to create an atmosphere where mothers are not overburdened and mothers and fathers aren’t debating each other but are having conversations and starting the healing process for our kids.
I believe in this initiative. I really do. And I believe in 10 to 15 years, we can turn this whole situation around.
To find out if your local barbershop is participating in Fatherhood Buzz tomorrow, visit Fatherhood.gov.
Brooke Obie writes the award-winning blog, DistrictDiva.com. Follow Her on Twitter @DCDistrictDiva.