“We are all born sexual creatures, thank God, but it’s a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.”—Marilyn Monroe
I’ve been privileged enough to experience relationships in which my partner’s sex drive matched mine, my partner’s sex drive was lower than mine and my partner’s sex drive was nonexistent. Despite the varied frequency of sex I have had, all these experiences taught me one thing: Sex is superimportant to a relationship.
Sex sells in our society, but we’re told there are more important things than physical intimacy when it comes to love and romance. While other elements must be present for any union to be successful, the downplaying of just how important sex is should not be. Whether you’re single, married, divorced, don’t know, hoping for a prayer or saying “F*ck love,” your sex life should never suffer.
Here are six ways to “sex up” your love life:
1. Make Sexual Pleasure a Priority
There’s a huge difference between making sex a priority and making your sexual pleasure a priority. One allows for routine to set in (which can lend itself to boredom in the bedroom), the other makes room for more highly anticipated, enjoyable experiences. No matter your martial status, you can and should enjoy sex, and self-pleasure is one of the most effective ways to discover what gets you off. It not only relieves stress, but it also helps you accurately please yourself and communicates to your mate what pleases you.
If you’re one of those people who feels pleasing yourself just does not work for you, chances are you’ve either had trouble or have never attempted to communicate your sexual desires. Although the goal isn’t to always “get off,” in my opinion, it’s very difficult for someone to become excited about sex as much as someone who actively “arrives” at the desired destination.
So light some candles, put on some soft music and get to know yourself so others won’t have a hard time doing so. Sex always will and should be about pleasure!
2. Explore, Explore, Explore!
The world has made sex boring! The last time I checked, aside from procreation, sex was about connecting and feeling good. It’s an act shared between consenting adults in the name of providing pleasure to each other. No, I’m not saying you have to get a private dungeon built in your basement, but do be open to exploring other ways to engage in sex.
Create a sexual bucket list, and commit to checking off what’s on there. Exploration is the name of the game, so consider experiences you might not have thought of in the past. Aim to push past your comfort level–within reason–and always seek to be honest with yourself about what you find to be too much. Sexual exploration is not an excuse to get out of hand; it’s merely a means of pushing past your comfort zone in the name of arriving at optimal sexual gratification.
3. Unleash the Freak
Society places limits on just about everything, and sex is no different. There are so many rules to executing this very natural practice, and for many, it’s reached the point of becoming robotic. No wonder so many people are having issues in the bedroom.
Well, I’m telling you to unleash the freak. We all have fantasies, so be bold enough to turn them into reality. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t incorporate your deepest desires into your sex routine. Every healthy relationship thrives on optimal communication. So tell and/or show your lover what is it you wish to do. More than likely, he or she will be down for the ride.
4. Pick Partners You Enjoy Outside of the Bedroom
There are plenty of people in the world who can have sex with complete strangers. They meet for one common goal, and that’s to get off. More power to them. But being able to kick it with your lover outside of the bedroom can yield better sex.
When you develop a connection that goes beyond intercourse, you add an extra layer to the bond created with another being. The closer you are to someone, the more invested you become in pleasing him or her; plus, the layer of trust increases because you are getting to know the other person on multiple levels. And when you trust someone, you’re more inclined to get with his or her program. Getting to know a mate outside of the bedroom will lead to you getting it on with him or her outside of the bedroom in no time (which aids with tip No. 2).
5. Make Teasing Your Weapon of Choice
Most of the time, anticipation is greater than the act itself. Whether you’re the type of lover who likes to get right down to business or the mate who prefers lingering anticipation, teasing can assist you in your journey to climax. Plant seeds of eagerness in your mate’s ear to make him or her want you. Think about how much fun you’re going to have once you connect with your significant other later tonight. Shoot a quick text message reminding him of that time you guys almost got caught in Vegas. Give her a call to let her know you cannot wait to hear her moan again. Few things are more powerful than the imagination. Use it to your advantage when attempting to amp up your sex life.
6. Act Responsibly
We are living in a time when sex can lead to death. No matter what you do, place sexual responsibility at the top of your list. Those who gets tested regularly and demand that of their partners maximize their chances of being sexually fulfilled. No one should be ashamed to discuss sexual STI history with a potential partner. It gives all parties the power of choice to move forward, and undoubtedly increases the likelihood of having good sex if you know they are clean. There’s nothing like peace of mind, so before you “get busy,” get tested.
When it comes to sex, it’s normal to fall into routine, just as other parts of life do. What shouldn’t be normal is accepting a whack sex life. Like all things, keeping the flame alive in the bedroom takes work. Be willing to report to active duty, and you won’t be disappointed.