Dear B. Scott,
I’m a 35 year old woman and I’ve been married to my husband faithfully for almost 15 years. Lately, I’ve been having the insatiable urge to sleep with another man.
I love my husband very much and I have no desire to cheat on my man or to have a relationship outside of the one that I’m committed to. It’s just that I wonder what else is could be missing. My husband and I have great sex and I’m always satisfied…but I still find myself thinking about what sex with another man would be like.
Part of me wants to do it and get it out of my system, the other part of me terrified that I might discover something about myself that I don’t want to know.
What do you think? Should I try it out?
– Sexually Frustrated Love Muffin
Dear Love Muffin,
Let me start off by saying congratulations on making it through 15 years of successful marriage!
As human beings, it’s only natural to have sexual desires. When you got married, you and your husband exchanged certain vows and you established a commitment. If you feel at some point you want to change the dynamic of your marriage, you should feel free to talk that through with your husband. i.e. if you want to join a swingers club, bring in a friend, whatever…but you need to talk it over with your husband first.
You never know, he might also be dealing with the same urges you are. In my last serious relationship, I had similar urges. My relationship with my ex became so familiar and mundane, but what I chose to do was to figure out ways that I could make it feel new.
For example: Have a date and choose to go to a hotel for the night instead of going home, or get intimate in a place outside of the bedroom, you could even meet each other at home during your lunch break. The possibilities are endless, you just have to think outside of the box and figure out what works best.
Don’t be afraid to spice things up with your husband. I would encourage you to give him the chance to step up before you step out.
Love,
B. Scott
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