Things are always different from the outside looking in. For example, most people have this grand image of how the inner workings of a marriage should go. The thing is “most people” aren’t actually married and aren't aware what the realities of that life is like. I realized this the other day when a co-worker and I were discussing bringing lunch to work and she said, “You’re lucky, you have a wife for that.” Yes, I do have a wife but making turkey sandwiches isn’t among her spousal duties. That’s just one of many myths some single folks have about life on the other side of the broom. Now, let me share a few facts and fictions I’ve learned about marriage.
Being Married Means You’re Automatically Happy:
People tend to assume that marriage is this magic fix-all; that once you find “the one” all will be well in your world. Well, the truth of the matter is marriage, like any relationship, takes work. I love my wife with all my heart but neither she, nor I, is perfect. There are various flaws and personality quirks that we equally have to adapt to and learn from. That’s not to say there’s trouble in paradise this early in the game but any couple that says their union is 100% bump-free is lying. Each day is a lesson in how to love each other better. Marriage doesn’t equal automatic happiness, but it does signify our commitment to finding our happiness through our imperfections together.
You’re Only Attracted to Your Spouse:
Maybe it was just me, but I always was under the belief that the way to tell you’ve met “the one” was that you only had eyes for that person. However, as I’ve matured and surrounded myself with married folks I learned that noticing attractive people isn’t something that magically goes away once you’re married. During my daily travels I constantly come across people that fall under my “type” and I’m sure the Mrs. does as well, but part of me making a commitment to my wife is realizing that no random woman on the street is worth forfeiting the one I have at home.
Married Couples Have Less Sex:
Leading up to our wedding day, the Mrs. and I evoked a self-imposed vow of celibacy to help make our first time being intimate as husband and wife more special. Once the 60-day hiatus was lifted, we went at it like the proverbial bunny rabbits but then life happened. With a series of major career changes for us both and late hours working on side projects, our energy levels dipped and midweek rolls in the hay soon got relegated to weekend romps with the occasional weekday surprise. While some could say that proves the myth true, I’d argue it’s not a more or less thing as our post-marriage sex life pretty much mirrors our pre-marriage sex life. That’s no knock to our passion for each other; it’s just that quality trumps quantity, especially when you’ve got a full plate.
About All Those Things She Said She Would Only Do with Her Husband:
During my dating years there were certain women who swore up and down that they would not perform certain (sexual) acts unless their was legal documentation tying her to a man. I’m not saying that the Mrs. and I had such conversations, but needless to say if a woman wasn’t into something before marriage, chances are she won’t after either and I’ll just leave it at that before I get myself in trouble.
Do you view marriage as the point of dating? What assumptions do you have about marriage and your happiness? Sound off!
Mr. and Mrs. Rocque are the couple formerly known as Anslem Samuel and Starrene Rhett, New York-based journalists who found love in between bylines. Follow the newlyweds’ musings of a marriage in progress here, on Twitter and via their joint blog.