Dear B. Scott,
I can’t get rid of my ex! It’s not that he’s stalking me or won’t leave me alone...we’re just good friends.
I’ve been in a new relationship for nearly a year and my boyfriend is bothered by the fact that I’m still friends with my ex.
I don’t know what to do. There’s nothing sexual happening with my ex and I, but we just realized somewhere along the demise of our relationship that we still care about each other and want to be in each other’s lives.
My boyfriend is great, but he really doesn’t like the fact that my ex and I are so close and it’s starting to cause more arguments in our relationship.
What do I do?
Dear Love Muffin,
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being friends with a guy who respects your current relationship. However, in this situation you have to be honest with not only your boyfriend, but yourself.
If you’re 100% real with yourself and can without a doubt say that your friendship with your ex is strictly platonic with no lingering feelings, then you have a right to maintain that friendship.
When it comes to your current boyfriend, if you feel strongly about maintaining this friendship with your ex then he’ll have to learn to trust you. If he doesn’t trust you and you’ve given him no prior reason not to trust you then that says something about his own personal insecurity when it comes to your relationship.
Have you talked to him to find out exactly what about your friendship with your ex bothers him? It might be a result of emotional trauma from a past relationship that he’s projecting onto you, he could be jealous of the friendship you and your ex have, or he just might not like the type of person your ex boyfriend is. I would suggest talking to him and finding out what makes him so uncomfortable.
Hopefully with more clarity you’ll be able better to come to a peaceful resolution.
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