Dear B. Scott,
I’ve been married for a year and I have a loving, wonderful, and caring husband. We don’t have any children, but we plan on it. Since this last holiday season we haven’t been seeing eye-to-eye.
His family and I don’t get along. Well, I don’t care for his family and his family’s made it known that they don’t really care for me either. The tension is so high that I told my husband I didn’t want them in my house for Christmas and that if he wanted to spend time with his family, then he’s more than welcome to do that without me.
We got into a big argument about how it’s ‘our’ house and that he can let his family stay if he wants to, but I feel like my home is my sanctuary and it’s where I should be able to go to seek refuge. I refused to go visit his family with him on Christmas day.
It’s been a couple weeks and I still think he’s holding a grudge about how I ‘ruined his Christmas’. How do I fix it?
Dear Love Muffin,
While you can’t go back and re-do Christmas, you can try your best to make things right for the next one.
I’m not going to get into who was right or who was wrong regarding the Christmas visiting situation, at the end of the day that’s between you two and your household.
What I can advise is that before the next holiday season rolls around, you and your husband need to get to the root of what’s causing the tension between you and his family and address it.
That’s really the only way either party will be able to move forward.
You’re married to this man and for the foreseeable future you’re not going anywhere -- neither is his family. You can’t get mad a man for being attached to his family, but at the same time you (or husband) don’t have to tolerate disrespect from anyone.
If you and the family can’t resolve your issues, then you and your husband need to have a conversation about how to proceed.
I hope it all works out for the best, especially before you plan on adding children into the mix.
Submit your questions now: firstname.lastname@example.org and be sure to tweet me @lovebscott with the hashtag #AskBScott