Dear B. Scott,
I’m a biracial woman (Black/White) and I’m soon to be married to my fiancée. We’ve been together two years and he proposed over the Christmas holiday. I’m so happy to have found such a loving, caring, Black man, but some of the comments he makes regarding race and White people really offend me. I know, I’m perceived as Black but I’m very much a product of an interracial relationship and my mother’s side of my family is lily-White. It’s always ‘White people this’ or ‘White people that’ ---most recently we were at a movie and he made a comment about Black men and White women that really turned me off. I love him and I don’t want this to be an issue in our marriage. What do I say to him?
Dear Love Muffin,
As you may already know, I’m the product of an interracial marriage as well.
My parents have been together for over 50 years in the small Southern town in North Carolina that I was raised in -- so I’m pretty sure there’s not many interracial situations, conversations, or comments that I haven’t been exposed.
Your husband probably does perceive you as Black, so in his mind what he’s saying doesn’t apply to you because he doesn’t see you as anything other than Black.
I suggest you have to do is sit your husband down and tell him exactly how you feel. First and foremost, explain to him that racial generalizations are simply ignorant. Furthermore, share with him that when he attacks ‘those’ people, he’s attacking a group that you and your mother belong to and/or identify with, and it’s hurtful to you.There are obviously some things related to race/racism that have hurt him, but he should not hurt YOU in the process of dealing with these issues.
Don’t be afraid to have challenging conversations, because if you plan on walking down the aisle with this man, these types of touchy subjects are bound to come up sooner or later. If he proposed to you, he loves you and the last thing he should want to do is make you feel bad. You just have to be honest with him.
All too often people do and say things without even taking the time to realize how they’re actually affecting others -- especially the ones they love.
The beautiful thing about being the unique person you are is that you are equipped a perspective that will hopefully help change his mindset and minimize those generalizations.
Submit your questions now: firstname.lastname@example.org and be sure to tweet me @lovebscott with the hashtag #AskBScott