african american woman thinking

Hello,

Here are the basics: I’m 23, a virgin, and I’m waiting until marriage. While its been a trying task and I’ve definitely had moments of self reflection where I’ve questioned if its still something that I want and I always conclude that it is. The problem now is that being abstinent in a society where sex is shoved down our throats every move we make is rather difficult. I have always been upfront with a guy that I’m interested in about where I stand on sex. One of two things happens: they either decide to end things then or they tell me its not a problem until of course it becomes a problem and things end. I’ve had guys tell me that in this day and age why would a guy work for it [sleeping with me] when he can get it for free? As angry as that statement makes me its hard to argue because social media is flooded with girls posting half naked pictures with captions like “hit it or no?”

How do I find someone that will want to be in a healthy relationship with me when sex isn’t on the table until marriage?

Am I asking too much?

 

Dear Love Muffin,

There’s nothing wrong with staying true to your beliefs. And you’re absolutely right, there is a strong presence of sex and sexuality in today’s society. Don’t be dissuaded by what you see on social media. A lot of times you’re being presented an image that isn’t necessarily accurate or reflective of a person’s day-to-day life. The same girl asking guys if they would ‘hit it or no’ is often the the same girl who’s so desperate for attention that they’ll settle for anything they can get.

For you and what you want in a partner, you’re doing everything right. Trust me, I know a few ladies that will have sex with almost anyone and are still unable to keep a healthy relationship.

If you’re looking for a specific guy whose morals and values line up with yours, I’d pay close attention to where you’re looking to meet him. I’m not saying you can’t meet that good, wholesome guy you’re looking for in the club -- but just be cognizant of your environment. If you keep encountering the same types of fish, it might be time to switch tanks.

At 23 years old, I wouldn’t expect love to happen right away.

Virgin or not, dating is a process and sometimes it takes a lot of trial and error until you find your soulmate.

Love,

B. Scott

Submit your questions now: bscott@ebony.com and be sure to tweet me @lovebscott with the hashtag #AskBScott