Dear B. Scott,
I recently ended my 2 year relationship with my boyfriend. We go to the same school, but we have vastly different social circles. However, I’m noticing that one of my friends is still friends with my ex and that bothers me. Should I be upset or is it something that I should let go?
If you are close friends, then you should be able to have an open and frank conversation about how you feel.
If this person knows how you feel and continues to parlay with your ex, chances are he or she is not a close friend.
Did your ex and and your friend have a friendship before or during the relationship? If they had an existing friendship, and you two separated on good terms, it’s unfair for you to expect them not to be friends. It may bother you, and it’s okay to express that. Friends should always be able to express how they feel to each other.
If your relationship ended on bad terms, then that’s a whole different story! No friend should support or stand by someone who mistreated their friend. I believe that friends should try their best to avoid situations that could potentially stress the friendship.
I recently went through a similar situation, where one of my closest friends started randomly communicating with my ex without my knowledge. This friend and I would always talk about all the random little details that happened throughout our day. I said to him, “You mean to tell me that you can talk about the people you meet on the subway, but you can’t tell me that you’ve been fellowshippin’ with my ex?!”
Let’s be clear, close friends should not get close with or date significant exes without approval or at the very minimum, notification.
Friends should always give friends enough information to make an informed decision. I don’t know if I would have been okay with their friendship or not, but I was never allowed the opportunity to make that assessment. Instead I was blindsided and hurt by the omission.
Each friendship is different, you know in your spirit when there’s true betrayal or when something just isn’t right.
However you feel, make sure you talk with your friend and put everything out on the table. It might be a little uncomfortable, but just like you’d expect for your friend to want the best for you, you should also want the best for your friend...even if that means for them to remain friends with your ex.