Dear B. Scott,
My husband's baby mama and I don't get along. We really can't stand each other and it's borderline impossible to deal with each other. She always has the nastiest attitude towards me and I've never done anything to her. I'm even starting to think she's saying negative things to my step daughter about me causing her to resent me. My step-daughter is 12 and whenever she comes back from being with her mother, her attitude is completely different for a few days.
I don't know what to do. My husband knows we don't get along, but I don't want to seem like I'm complaining about the mother of his child -- but it's starting to wear me thin. We've only been married for a year. Any advice on how to deal?
Dear Love Muffin,
I’ve learned over time that you can’t control other people’s perceptions. You never really know what’s going on in someone else’s head.
With that said, the only thing you can do in this situation is be the best person you can be. There’s an old saying, ‘Kill them with kindness’ and it’s one that I think applies to this situation.
In her eyes, you’re the woman who married the father of her child. I can’t speak for her, but I don’t think it’s out of the question to think she might resent you.
You should express your concerns to your husband. After all, you two are in this together and it’s something that needs to be addressed. I wouldn’t start off a marriage by suppressing things that are really affecting you. If baby mama drama worsens, talking with him now will prevent the situation from seemingly coming out of nowhere.
Blended families can be difficult, but work with your husband to minimize the interaction you have with his “baby mama.” Cutting down on the face-to-face interaction with her should help tremendously.
As far as your stepdaughter is concerned, try not to blame her for her mother’s actions. She’s young and impressionable...the last thing you would want to do is accidentally assume the role of ‘evil stepmother’ by default. It’s important to be consistent in your behavior with her and that she feel loved.
Remember, what matters most in life isn’t what happens to you, it’s how you respond to it.
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