Checklist: Are You In Too Deep?

Are you in too deep?

GREEN FLAG

Things are going swimmingly!

(S)He is optimistic and positive.

(S)He treats all others with courtesy.

(S)He discusses things intelligently.

(S)He has respect for your political and religious views—and vice versa.

(S)He’s on good terms with friends, coworkers and family members.

(S)He has goals for the future.

(S)He lives within a budget.

(S)He keeps her or his word.

(S)He expresses a value system and behaves within it.

(S)He responsibly cares for any children (s)he has.

(S)He exudes self-confidence, not arrogance or conceit.

(S)He’s a good listener.

(S)He is earning your trust.

(S)He cleans up before you come over.

(S)He thinks you’re special and lets you know it.

YELLOW FLAG

There may be under-currents of trouble!

(S)He is a workaholic.

(S)He is unemployed and not looking for work.

(S)He has unresolved hurt from a previous relationship.

(S)He spends hours daily social networking, gaming, etc.—unrelated to work.

(S)He frequently ignores you during dates to text, check messages or call others.

(S)He has nothing that requires care—no pets, plants, etc.

(S)He talks about herself/himself more than

(s)he listens about you.

(S)He buys you expensive gifts you know (s)he can’t afford.

(S)He has several pet names for you but never calls you by your given name.

(S)He is rude to the waiter or doesn’t leave a tip.

(S)He leaves all the planning and decisions to you.

(S)He is so eager to be with you, (s)he will do everything your way.

(S)He gives too much and expects little in return.

(S)He shares little about her or his past or personal life.

RED FLAG

A shark is circling!

(S)He wants to have sex within days of meeting and/or doesn’t require a condom.

(S)He rushes into conversation about marriage or having kids together.

(S)He is jealous or possessive.

(S)He abuses a substance.

(S)He is wildly inconsistent with mood or affection, i.e., “running hot and cold.”

(S)He is on the lookout for the police while in public.

(S)He exhibits values you don’t believe in (e.g., supporting a friend who cheats or passing a bad check).

(S)He is verbally, emotionally or physically abusive to people.

S)He insists that things be done “my way or the highway.”

(S)He is cheating on someone else by dating you.

(S)He is vague about what (s)he does for a living.

(S)He asks you to pay certain bills, although you are neither married nor engaged.

(S)He’s had no relationship that lasted more than 12 months.

Read more in the July 2012 issue of EBONY Magazine on page 79.