Death of the âRelationship Expertâ<br />
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EBONY site last year, I did a lot of hand-wringing over whether or not to give Sil Lai Abrams the title “Relationship Expert.” The reason I finally agreed to it was because she is very much a student of human behavior and relationships. She bases her advice on vast experience and research…and I still hope that folks understand, as she does, that she is simply a woman with thoughts and ideas...just like the rest of us! But unlike the 20-something self-appointed sages with limited life experience (and limited relationships with real-life women, if we keep it all the way funky), she has a great deal of resources to back up her words AND she delivers them respectfully. That doesn’t mean that her truths are always going to work for you. The greatest tool we all should use is that of discernment.

That said, to my brothers who have tossed their hats in the advice ring, if you are ONLY in the game to get a rep or some money, scram. We will figure you out and ignore you accordingly, But if you really believe that you have something to say that can help people, consider 1) having critical conversations with men, not just women, 2) how much you can actually back up what you are talking about (are you really an “expert,” or just an opinionated person?) and, finally, 3) please check yourselves and make sure you aren’t dispensing your feelings as facts.

If you are so concerned with Black love, perhaps you can do some research to discover why Black men and women find challenges in getting along. What unique barriers have been placed in between us? Why are women held to a higher standard when it comes to dating and mating? You aren’t going to get most of these answers via the blogosphere and unless you have them, you probably shouldn’t be dispensing much advice just yet. 

Jamilah Lemieux is the News and Lifestyle Editor for EBONY.com. She may joke, but she does not play.