Have sex often? If you don’t, you’re not alone—well, except maybe in bed. Eve sponsored an independent survey of 1,000 Americans over 18. The highest number of respondents (26 percent) said they have sex once or twice a week. Another 18 percent said they are not sexually active. Sixteen percent said they had sex three to four times a week, 15 percent do it once or twice a month, 7 percent said they make love every few months, and 5 percent said they were still virgins. Three percent said they had sex daily, while another 3 percent manage it only once or twice a year. One percent said they enjoyed sex more than once a day.
Sync up your sex drive
You or your mate may want to get busy more often. If he’s usually horny when she has a “headache” (or vice versa), try these expert tips:
Handle your business. If yours is the higher sex drive, it seems like a no-brainer. But “many times, men seem surprised that they may have to masturbate when they have a girlfriend or wife,” says Sari Cooper, a licensed sex therapist. If yours is the lower sex drive, “self-pleasuring can reignite that spark that leaves you wanting more,” says Barb DePree, M.D., a gynecologist practicing in Michigan and the founder of MiddlesexMD.com.
Fake it till you make it. Scheduling sex may feel a bit forced, but “if you are willing to relax and get started, your desire will kick in,” says Cooper.
Get sexual healing. Mark Anderson, M.D., partner of Executive Medicine of Texas and author of Stay Young: 10 Proven Steps to Ultimate Health, cautions, “A lack of libido may be due to a medical condition. For example, vitamin D deficiency, a common problem in African-Americans, can hamper the sex drive. Correcting things such as vitamin or hormone deficiencies could save a relationship, and in some cases, a life.”
Meet in the middle. Cooper asks each partner how often he or she would like sex. “If the man says five times a week and the woman says twice a week, I ask them if they can compromise. Then I ask the man if he can take care of himself those other times,” she says.
Try novelty nookie. Switch up places, positions, toys and techniques to refresh stale sex. Boosting quality can be as satisfying as increasing frequency.
Talk dirty. “Talking explicitly about sex is essential, says DePree. “Couples who talk over their sex lives tend to have more active ones. Talk about what you each like and what you each want to try.” Great sex is learned through communication,” says relationship and sex therapist Celeste Hirschman.
Be a porn star. “Listen carefully to each others ‘hottest sexual movie’—the kind of experience that you would like the best— then consider co-starring in your partner’s movie. You may find that the person with the lower libido hasn’t been getting the kind of seduction they need,” says Hirschman.
Identify your fears and shrink ’em. Anger or resentment toward a partner, performance anxiety, body image issues, stress and the fallout from past infidelity can be a major buzz kill. A therapist or counselor can help you work through issues.
Create some (brain) chemistry. “Hold hands, hug, give and enjoy massages. Touching releases oxytocin, known as the ‘love hormone,’ and serotonin, which increases pleasure,” says DePree. “Sometimes, women need an emotional turn on,” explains Cooper, whose Sex Esteem blog at www.saricooper. com digs further into desire.
Get your booty sleep. “Exhaustion is a huge problem for couples who are working and caring for their kids and/or their parents,” says DePree. Translation: Turn in earlier and get turned on more often.