How Soon is Too Soon for Sex?

How Soon is Too Soon for Sex?

When should you lay down with a new love interest? Sil Lai Abrams says it depends what you are looking for in the long run

Sil Lai Abrams

by Sil Lai Abrams, March 05, 2012

How Soon is Too Soon for Sex?

them in if your life goals, values and interests aren’t in sync.  That doesn’t necessarily mean they need to be your mirror, but at the very least they must be complementary. 

In my experience, a lot of sexual and relationship drama can be avoided if you make sure to have the three C’s firmly in place before sleeping with a new partner.  All this fact finding can be a sexual buzz kill, but a buzz kill upfront is easier to deal with than the emotional crash that follows a sexual tryst with unfulfilled emotional expectations.  It’s much easier to ask questions up front than having to extricate yourself from a painful and complicated sexual relationship after the fact. 

Delayed sexual gratification may in some cases eliminate a potential new sex partner, but what you’ll gain is an increase in the probability of getting the love you really need. 

Sil Lai Abrams is’s Relationship Expert and the author of No More Drama: 9 Simple Steps to Transforming a Breakdown into a Breakthrough and a board member of the National Domestic Violence Hotline.  Follow her on Twitter: @sil_lai and connect with her on Facebook. Want Sil Lai's advice? Email to have your love questions answered in a future column! 

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