I know a guy who, like many guys I know now that I think of it, enjoys sex. He enjoys it so much that he often uses his other head for all thoughts that come after saying his name.
Now this guy is extremely charming, handsome and has a magnetic personality. In fact, women fight over him regularly. And while women —or men for that matter —who opt to go up against someone else for a person who they have some sort of romantic/sexual/intimate ties to isn’t an anomaly, I can honestly say that buddy has some Super Saiyan next level ish that he works on these women.
Not only does he make them feel good, but he makes these women feel alive, worthy and loved. And he somehow manages to do so by pleasing them sexually. There is no committed relationship. There is no obligation to one another. It is simply sex.
The majority of living, breathing, healthy, functioning adults enjoy sex. Unless there’s been some unresolved trauma, health-related instances or a series of unfortunately terrible sexual encounters with whack mates, responsible—and consensual—physical intimacy is and should be part of one’s lifestyle.
It’s healthy; it’s entertaining and it feels GOOD.
While sex has many benefits, a relationship with just sex doesn’t offer many benefits at all. And that’s what many of these women—and anyone else who signs up for this type of connection—has: not much at all.
People agree to the “friends with benefits” (FWB) arrangement often. Many view it as a win-win situation, but in a lot of cases, someone is left feeling well…unfulfilled. Why? Because sex isn’t enough to satisfy us in a relationship. If it was, the “friends with benefits” arrangement would be foolproof. The chances of it ending would be highly unlikely and everyone would be happily smiling from ear-to-ear.
Instead, you have these types of arrangements coming to a close for a number of reasons. One or both parties either develops a deeper connection that manifest into desiring a full-fledged relationship with their FWB that goes beyond sex, or they realize they have a connection with someone else that goes beyond physical gratification. Either way, the agreement is not enough.
While you may be agreeing to strictly sex, make sure that your confirmation registers as a hard yes before proceeding with a FWB arrangement. The FWB can be a good thing if you’re genuinely not looking for anything else. Both parties have to be OK with accepting the bare minimum, which is usually sex at 2 a.m. But if you know in your heart that you’re the relationship type of man or woman, you will always feel like your just “someone to do.” And truthfully, you will be.
Shantell E. Jamison is a senior editor for EBONY. She moderates various events centered on love, relationships, politics and wellness and has appeared on panels throughout the country. Her book, “Drive Yourself in the Right Direction” is available now. Keep up with Shantell via her website, Facebook, Twitter @Shantell_em and Instagram @Shantell_em.