[LOVE NO LIMIT]
...Like a Fatherless Child

are slowly watching their sons implode with longing—a longing that oftentimes is never satisfied.

There’s far too much to unpack in one post on the topic of fatherless sons, but certainly we must first figure out how to comfort those boys and men while asking that they do the work necessary to heal themselves. A balance must be maintained that offers support and certainly the security of staying, but also reminds those boys and men that we will not allow them to break us because they, themselves, are broken. 

We also have to realize that we can have as many expectations as we want of fatherless sons, or any human beings, but we should be realistic about whether or not our expectations are truly attainable. Honesty is important, to others and to us. Finding a way to be patient and compassionate while establishing boundaries and asking for action is the key to providing love and support to your lover and yourself.

I contemplate the writer Jeff Brown’s conversation on walls when considering how women should approach relationships with some men who grew up fatherless:

“I used to try to punch my way through people’s walls. I didn’t understand that they were there for a reason and often essential to their survival. I did the same with my own walls. Neither got me anywhere. The walls just got tougher, denser, more resilient. Now I have a different approach. I pray to walls. I honor their wisdom. I stroke them with kindness. I melt them with gentleness. And, if they still insist on standing firm, I leave them be. Walls have a time frame all their own.”

Josie Pickens is a cultural critic, educator and soldier of love. Follow her musings on Twitter @jonubian.