it was kept, many of them made mistakes that led to their relationships’ demise. Just as the men who hurt them were not all bad, their actions were not all good.
Ultimately, I knew it was time for a new paradigm—one free of my need to self protect or embrace what society had foolhardily promised as way to fun and freedom.
Thus began my sex free journey, an excursion not meant as a retreat from the world and any semblance of an active lifestyle, but as a way to experience enhanced intimacy.
Luckily, I am not alone. “Where has all the romance gone?” questioned another male EBONY.com reader, who has chosen to abstain because he believes he somehow lacks the “genetic predisposition most men have for meaningless sex.”
“I bemoan the demise of writing a simple love poem to your girlfriend, sending her flowers, calling her when you know she is asleep just to hear her speak as the voicemail catches the missed call, or any type of traditional romantic gesture,” he confessed.
Perhaps we need more confessions. Less hookups. And greater time and effort spent on developing deeper levels of intimacy.
What say you, EBONY fam? Do you think the world is ready to for more, good old fashioned romance, where sex serves, not as a prerequisite but as a reward for healthy, loving relationships? Sound off below!
Monique N. Matthews is a Harlem-born, L.A.-based writer and director. She is the author of Sex Free: A (Not So) Modern Approach to Dating and Relationships, and can be reached at sexfreebook.com. Follow her on Twitter @moniquematthews.