OMG WTF:<br />
Awkward Sex Talk

Let’s talk about SEX, baby! Well, not the actual act of sex, but the unspoken aspects of it. The weird things that make you embarrassed to even tell your friends during a tipsy happy hour. You know, like when you’re in the middle of sex and a loud queef comes out, or when you’re getting really into it and he says something weird like, “I want to give you a milk mustache”? Let’s talk about that! Here are some of the weirdest things we and our friends have heard during sex. Get ready to clutch your pearls and hold on to your seat because it’s about to get real!

“Let me stick this blow pop in your ____.”

“I want to kiss on Daddy.” (Because saying “I want to suck your dick” was too hard?!)

“Come on girl! Put me in the d*ck hospital.”

“I have a Charlie Horse.” (That was a euphemism for “I can’t get it up!” Weird lies men tell.)

“You’re clean, right?” (Made me wonder if she was clean.)

“I want you to meet my parents!” (BUT I only knew her for like two weeks!)

“I want you to pull it out and bust all over my face and rub it all in.” (True story.)

“Pee on me.”  (I never peed on him but I did bang him a few more times because … it was good.)

“Mmmm, squeeze Daddy’s nipples!” (And I did it, but there was never a second time. It was the pressure that made me do it.)

I need you to salute me — Vulcan style — before I take off my clothes! (I never looked at the Star Wars the same again.)

“Come on baby! Show me those toes.”

“Bring me the baby!” (Which meant for me to come inside of her — English wasn’t her first language, obvi!)

“That motherf*cka owes me money.”

“I don’t care if you’re on your period, I just want to lick and taste you.” (Me and my friends always refer to him as Jeffrey Dahmer now and he doesn’t know why.)

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