Answer True or False to each of the following questions (skip any question to which you can’t relate)
1. We make eye contact when passing one an- other in the house.
2. Sometimes it feels like we’re roommates.
3. When making introductions, we acknowledge one another as a partner/spouse/ sweetheart.
4. (S)he’ll go on a “sex strike” when pissed off.
5. I know what (s)he wants in bed, and I make sure (s)he gets it.
6. (S)he’s always trying to push my buttons.
7. We frequently make statements using “we” and “us” as opposed to “I” and “me.”
8. We don’t laugh as much as we used to
9. When the sound of a key turning in the lock tells me (s)he’s home, I feel a sense of joy.
10. I sometimes give him/ her the silent treatment.
11. We’re constantly seeking new experiences together.
12. Sex has gotten some- what sporadic.
13. We’re a great team.
14.I feel used.
15. We make anniversaries special.
16. I fall asleep with the TV on.
17. We hold hands, touch and cuddle without self- consciousness.
18. (S)he expects me to be a mind reader.
19. I spend more time with my sweetie than I do on Facebook.
20. (S)he can’t do any- thing right.
21. If it means alot to me, my partner will make it happen
22. (S)he has a habit that drives me insane.
23. We make “us” a priority, no matter what.
24. (S)he acts like I don’t matter.
25. We have little rituals that say, “I love you.”
26. Sometimes the thought of going home is stressful.
27. We both play a role in financial decisions—and share responsibility for any money mistakes.
28. No matter what I do, I’m criticized.
29. I rarely feel bored or unsatisfied.
30. We can’t go five minutes without talking about the kids.
31. I feel heard and validated when we talk.
32. One or both of us hangs up on a conversation without saying good- bye.
HOW RESILIENT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
Even-numbered questions: Give yourself one point for every False answer.
Odd questions: One point for every True answer.
“Couples disconnect when they don’t feel interested in each other anymore,” says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage (Adams Media). To reconnect, quit complaining and make an effort to understand each other’s needs and wants. “Once the connection is there, you can begin to work out the issues,” she says.
Consider spending less time with your friends after work. Turn off the TV, handheld or computer and talk with your mate. Hire a sitter and plan a fun date night every week. “If you keep putting your relationship on the back burner, there’s no relationship to come back to,” says Karen Sherman, Ph.D., co-author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, and Make It Last (AuthorHouse).
Trust, togetherness and respect make your bond strong and satisfying. As you grow older and mature as a couple, do not expect as much romance and glamour, but instead focus your energy on increasing opportunities to have fun together. “Having weekly ‘state of the union’ discussions will check resentment and keep communication open,” advises Tessina.