Rebuilding After an Affair

Crisis is an opportunity to lay a stronger foundation As Told to Denene Millner

Denene Millner

by Denene Millner, March 14, 2014


Five months pregnant, *Aaliya  discovered *Raul’s affair. The news hit their nine-year marriage like a bulldozer, leaving a rubble of rage, resentment, disbelief and doubt. Could they rebuild? I believe that infidelity touches up to 80 percent of long-term relationships. Many assume an affair causes a couple’s problems. Actually, it signals that pre-existing breaks and fissures destabilized a loving bond. If infidelity impacts you and your partner, knowing how a counselor can help you through it could save your marriage.
When You’re the Injured Party
The phase: anger and disbelief
>Crying and yelling is common: Red-eyed and/or at the top of your lungs, you may ask your partner, “How could you do this?” A scorned mate may throw out the cheater’s belongings or bar him or her from seeing the kids.
>Picking up the pieces: You have a right to be angry. But blaming, shaming or seeking revenge only prolongs your pain. Know this: An affair usually signals the loss of connection, not the loss of love.
>Blueprint for better love: Breathe. Reflect on how you first became close. I ask the straying partner to share the couple’s love story. Hearing what (s)he values in their union helps a hurting spouse heal.

Read the remainder of this article in the April 2014 issue of EBONY Magazine.



(Top Stories on Our Sister Site)


Activist Grace Lee Boggs Dead at 100

by Kristian Davis Bailey

Stay in the Know
Sign up for the Ebony Newsletter