doing exactly that, aren’t they? The men and women both make it clear what their financial expectations are, and they decide early on what the nature of their relationships will be (likely before even meeting). Since it’s out in the open, the benefactors don’t run the risk of feeling “used,” because they agree to be patrons ahead of time.
The issue for me is that there are those who use money as a substitute for emotional connection, and feel less inclined to emotionally connect to someone they feel they are purchasing. Some of these sugar daddies are engaging in short-term fun that allows them to flex their wealth and pay for the “escort services” of women seeking financial assistance. On the surface, it may seem like a simple exchange. But a deeper dig may reveal emotional scarring, feelings of inadequacy, and/or coldness from past hurt. Many of the “babies” will have sex with these men, as they feel it’s an expectation of receiving monthly allowances and gifts. There’s almost an unwritten understanding that a woman needs to “put out” if he’s putting out the cash.
I always want people to make informed, healthy choices when it comes to getting into relationships, be they purely sexual or focused on long-term love. I want people to feel empowered and encouraged to think outside the box when it comes to making those perfect love matches. I will, however, caution people against getting involved in situations that can cause physical or emotional harm. Making money the third member of your relationship isn’t very smart, especially in this economy, when for many it is here today and gone tomorrow. Stick with dealing with people who want to be with you for who you are, not what you have, and avoid a lot of the mess and stress that comes along with rolling around in the cash.
Feminista Jones is a sex-positive Black feminist, social worker and blogger from New York City. She writes about gender, race, politics, mental health and sexuality at FeministaJones.com. Follow her on Twitter at @FeministaJones.