examples include swallowing semen, having sex with more than one man at a time, and sexual domination (i.e., BDSM Dommes/mistresses).
Black folks are both invested in and fiercely protective of how others perceive and represent us, so it isn’t exactly that we’re not doing these things at all. I find that many of us do participate in these kinkier behaviors. We just don’t talk to other people about them because we fear being judged and ostracized from our circles. We’re afraid of being condemned by the socially conscious, academic echelon for making the race look bad because we enjoy being nasty. We fear rejection from our spiritual guides and safe spaces who tell us we’re “going to Hell.” We definitely fear judgment from family and friends who always feel the need to weigh in on our personal lives.
In all of this fear, we often miss out on what could be some of the most amazing sexual experiences we could ever have, the things we secretly desire and wish we felt safe enough to explore. Maybe the answer is to become more comfortable discussing these things. Because ultimately, the more open we are, the better we can promote safer sex practices without shaming, and reduce a lot of the negative sexual behaviors and consequences that result from our collective silence.
Feminista Jones is a sex-positive Black feminist, social worker and blogger from New York City. She writes about gender, race, politics, mental health and sexuality at FeministaJones.com. Follow her on Twitter at @FeministaJones.