[THE LOVERS ROCQUE] Talk Like Marriage

I’ve dragged the hubby down my rabbit hole of reality TV, which means that he sometimes gets forced to watch shows of the Love & Hip-Hop variety. Speaking of, we were recently watching Love & Hip-Hop (New York) and started a conversation we wanted to share based on Consequence and Jen’s story line.

For those who aren’t familiar with the show, Consequence and Jen are in an interfaith relationship and they have a son. They’re not married but have agreed to raise their child under the influence of Islam. Jen grew up celebrating Christmas and Easter and wants to expose their son to those elements too, because she feels like this will show him some of who she is. This is obviously a major source of divisiveness, so much so that in the last episode of LHH, they sought out assistance from Consequence’s spiritual advisor, who quickly covered echoed what viewers have probably been thinking all along:

“Didn’t they think about this before having the child?”

Their response was, it was something they kept saying that they’d figure out when the time came; but now it’s game time and they still can’t seem to agree.

I’m not here to judge and I hope they find some resolution, but this isn’t uncommon.  Sometimes people tend to overlook obvious conversations they should have before moving forward with a relationship.

Here’s our input for things that should be discussed before getting serious.

1. Religion

Mr. Rocque and I are heathens by technical definition of the word. It’s a contemptuous thing to be regarded as, but it is what it is and we’re fine with it. What’s most important is that we’re of one accord about how we view the world of religion and spirituality, and our system works for us. There are some successful interfaith marriages, but realistically, a lot of people are dogmatic in their beliefs and are unlikely to change how they feel. Think about it like this: religion provokes such passion that it’s started wars. If you’re dating someone who staunchly believes in something, then don’t take it lightly and don’t assume that they’ll eventually come around to complying or compromising with your point of view. There are always exceptions to rules but it’s important to speak about where you stand.

2. To Procreate or Not to Procreate

Mr. Rocque and I are still on the fence about children, and to us that means we should stay childfree until we have a definitive “yes.” However, we’ve both made peace with the fact that that day may never come. For some, children are a must. Just make sure you find that person who agrees with you.

3. How Many Children Do You Want?

I have a married friend who has a toddler with her husband. Said husband also has a child from a previous relationship. He feels that he is done, but his wife wants at least two more. They are constantly arguing about this, but it’s an argument that stems from before they were married.  

4. Money Management

I am admittedly less conservative than Mr. Rocque about how I spend my money, but I’m working on being a better saver. Thankfully we haven’t had any fallouts over money yet, but statistically, it’s still high on the list of the leading causes for breakups. So get on the same fiscal page! Allocate funds to a joint account for specific bills, but keep separate accounts so you don’t always have to question or ask for permission for certain purchases.

Have you ever experienced a major falling out with you partner over extreme opposing viewpoints on a critical topic? Sound off below!

Mr. and Mrs. Rocque are the couple formerly known as Anslem Samuel and Starrene Rhett, Chicago-based journalists who found love in between bylines. Follow the newlyweds’ musings of a marriage in progress here, on Twitter and via their joint blog.