The Myth of the White Knight:<br />
White Men Are Not the Answer to Black Women's Problems

The Myth of the White Knight:
White Men Are Not the Answer to Black Women's Problems

[OPINION] Sil Lai Abrams says single sisters shouldn't buy into the notion that the White man's ice is colder...or that his love is the only cure for their woes

Sil Lai Abrams

by Sil Lai Abrams, July 05, 2012

The Myth of the White Knight:<br />
White Men Are Not the Answer to Black Women's Problems

relationship and they often dictate terms that are not to the woman’s liking.”

Let me get this right: one of the reasons why successful Black women should pursue relationships with successful White men is because a successful White man is more likely to create a relationship of “equals” with a Black woman than a Black man because successful White men want nothing more than to be in a relationship with a woman who is his equal?


I’ve heard more than a few of my professional sisters come straight out and say some variation of this statement while declaing "forget about Black men and their non-appreciating behinds." They’re looking to become the next Mrs. Rabinowitz.

I’m a Black woman who has dated White, Hispanic and Black men. From my years of field research, I can assure you that a White man can be just as commitmentphobic, misogynistic and unreliable as a Black one. As disappointing as this may be to the sistas who have bought into the Myth of the White Knight, Black men do not have the market cornered on shady relationship behavior.

It is worth noting that Black women married to White men do have lower divorce rates than their Black/Black counterparts. However, I doubt this is because White men are easier to control then their Black counterparts. Maybe these marriages fare better because many who are willing to cross the color line have a mindset that is more flexible and open minded, qualities that are essential to the success of a long-term union?

For the record, I’m not anti-interracial relationships; however, I am against "solutions" that villainize Black men and victimize Black women while simultaneously deifying White men.  Isn’t it time that we stop uplifting the White man as savior?

I can’t say what the answer is to the “Black Female Thunderbolt Phenomenon”, but if you find that if you’re regularly having problems in your relationships with Black men, dating a White one won’t guarantee that you’ll get a different outcome. If that’s the case, it’s worth considering that maybe the reason you’re consistently having problems of commitment in your relationships with Black men has absolutely nothing to do with the men.  Instead of looking at pop culture for a neat, trendy way of addressing the Black marriage crisis, perhaps the place we need to start looking for answers is within ourselves and the way we choose (or don’t choose) to actively love and support each other.  

Sil Lai Abrams is’s Relationship Expert and the author of No More Drama: 9 Simple Steps to Transforming a Breakdown into a Breakthrough and a board member of the National Domestic Violence Hotline.  Follow her on Twitter: @sil_lai and connect with her on Facebook. Want Sil Lai's advice? Email to have your love questions answered in a future column! 

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