"The Relationship That Almost Killed Me"

"The Relationship That Almost Killed Me"

Contributor Sil Lai Abrams opens up to Redbook about the abuse that changed her life

by Megan Quitkin, October 01, 2012

"The Relationship That Almost Killed Me"

Leaving an abuser is the beginning of a long road to psychological freedom

Photo courtesy of Thinkstock

Here are some of the times I didn't leave my partner: I didn't leave him when he hit me so hard that he paralyzed my diaphragm and I couldn't scream for help. I didn't leave after neighbors had him arrested, or when he grabbed me by my throat and dragged me around the house, or when friends and family begged me to leave. I did not even leave when he threw me against the floor while I was six months pregnant. Did I think about it? Of course I did. I thought about it every single time he raised his hand to me. Sometimes I even did leave--for a night, for three. But I always came back, because as any battered woman can tell you, the leaving can feel harder than the abuse. Most of us carry with us a wretched crib sheet of times we should have left, and that list just keeps getting longer. Here's the story of how I put an end to mine.

Meeting Scott* was like meeting the rest of my life. He was gorgeous, a successful male model. I was a model too, and a single parent-- devoted, but also wild and a little unsettled. He came into the picture and love-bombed me, constantly telling me that I was the most beautiful woman in the world, asking to spend every waking minute together. He took on my baggage (and believe me, I had some). At that time in my life, I was convinced that I needed a husband and a father for my son, Christian. I believed that being with Scott transformed me from a statistic--another woman of color with a baby and no man--into half of a perfect couple.

[Read more of Sil Lai's powerful story at REDBOOK MAG]



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