They are back! Hosts of the “Divorce is Not an Option” podcast Steven James Dixon, popularly known as the “Relationship Beast,” and Tamara Derouselle take a seat at EBONY’s table for our 28 Days of Love series. They join us in celebrating our #LOVE Issue with weekly features from the podcast. The dynamic duo speaks about accountability in your relationship. After all, evaluating your contributions with your partner is one of the most fundamental ways to sustain a successful relationship.
Valentine’s Day is coming up soon so today we are talking about love capacity: the measure of your ability to receive, provide, and be accountable for an unconditional, forgiving, profoundly tender, passionate affection to another person.”
Love capacity evaluates your three dimensions of love. The first dimension is about receiving love because you learn how to receive love first. That leads to the second dimension, providing love. The average person moves through dimensions one and two almost effortlessly. Dimension three, accountability, is the most difficult dimension because it takes application of dimension one and two a step further.
One of the most disappointing discoveries is the deficiency of accountability in marriage. There are two parts to accountability: 1) being accountable and 2) holding your partner accountable.
1) Doing what you said you were going to do.
2) Being where you said you were going to be.
3) Knowing that the decisions that you make impact your partner.
Holding Your Partner Accountable:
(The Love Capacity Quiz is how we “measure your ability to receive, provide and be accountable for an unconditional, forgiving, profoundly tender, passionate affection to another person.” You can score from 1 to 10 on the Love Capacity Quiz.)
Example #1: Husband cheats, wife does nothing about it. I am going to dock your Love Capacity Score because you don’t value your love enough to do something about your husband cheating on you.
Example #2: Wife spends up all the greenbacks. You build resentment but you say nothing. I am going to dock your Love Capacity Score because you love that woman more than you do the family. Love is about balance. If you can’t agree to a family budget then somebody don’t love somebody. (She just loves your greenbacks.)
Love Capacity Scores & Titles:
The goal of the Love Capacity Quiz is to encourage people to partake in self-reflection (look at your past / review your observations), self-evaluation (where are you presently / what have you experienced?) and self-improvement (where do you want to go / who do you want to be?).
Love capacity is measured on a scale of 1-10 with the lowest score being self-centered (protecting your heart) and the highest score being a spouse (the best foundation possible to have a successful marriage).
Check out http://www.lovecapacity.com/ to get your score!
Please be sure to look for our podcast, “Divorce Is Not An Option Podcast” on ebony.com during the season of love!
Tamara Derouselle is a wife and bonus mom of two boys. For the past 10 years, she has been a ghostwriter and editor for some of the hottest literary works of art available in the relationship space. You can currently find Tamara creating content and co-hosting one of the podcast universe’s fastest-growing podcasts,”Divorce Is Not An Option.”
Steven James Dixon is a husband, father, relationship expert and author of two books: “Men Don’t Heal, We Ho – A Book About the Emotional Instability of Men,” and “Love Capacity.” Steven has been featured as a relationship coach on CNN, CBS News, WGN, Tom Joyner, Michael Baisden and Rickey Smiley among other reputable outlets.