But Jesus IS Obama's Homeboy!

President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama in church.

Try as I might to continue giving my fellow Americans the benefit of the doubt, leave it to pollsters to highlight why I need to donate my last damn to a much worthier cause.

Say, the hope that I will one day get to enjoy some catfish and conversation with Oprah Winfrey. Or my dream that the first item on Jesus’ Rapture agenda is to line up the high profile members of the religious right for a public scolding...to be aired on Bravo.

Speaking of the Lord and religion, in a new national survey conducted by the Pew Research Center’s Forum on Religion and Public Life & the Pew Research Center for the People & the Press, 60 percent of voters noted that they were well aware that Mitt Romney is Mormon. However, only 49 percent could afford President Obama the same courtesy about his faith. The poll founds that roughly three in 10 voters, or 31 percent, said that they don’t know Obama’s religion, while almost one in five voters (17 percent) believe that he is Muslim. This is actually a boost from August 2010, where only 38% voters could identify the president as a Christian.

This reveals, yet again, the xenophobia that continues to permeate our society and one more reminder of how Internet folklore can quickly seep into the nation’s conscious –- both of which make me want to curse at the thought of how utterly stupid so many people are.

Fortunately, half the country being unsure of whom Obama pledges his spiritual allegiance to won’t matter much in the long run. Like the White evangelicals and Republicans who support Romney regardless of whether or not his religion creeps them out due to their opposition to Obama, Democrats and seculars are largely Team Obama due to their conviction that Mitt Romney would best serve the country by moving to one of the islands on which he hides his assets.

I would love to live in a country where religion didn’t automatically insinuate morality, thus, a politician’s religion was a non-starter in a given race. Such a utopia only exists within my imagination, sadly. Indeed, this survey also reveals that 67% of Americans share the belief that “It’s important to me that a president have strong religious beliefs” – an opinion that hasn’t shifted much in over a decade. Moreover, more than half say they are comfortable with politicians expressing their religious beliefs.

So since religion remains a factor to some degree, it begs the question: What exactly does President Obama have to do to prove to these doubtful fools that Jesus is his homeboy? Does he have to be baptized on national TV by Rick Warren? How about the ghost of Billy Graham –- wait, he’s not dead, is he? You get the idea, though.

No really, what exactly is it going to take because at this point it is beyond ridiculous. His first major scandal involved his Christian pastor. Somehow even after that he became Allah’s secret agent hell bent on turning America agnostic. I realize how ridiculous that sounds…but I’m going by precedent.

If this country is going to press on with feigning about how important religion is in their choices for president, the least people can do is take President Obama at his word. This is not Homeland; you skeptics are not Carrie Mathison.

Or plainly: you’re an idiot if you listen to a man continuously profess his adoration for all things Jesus and still tell a pollster, “Gee, I don’t know what religion he is.”

God bless those confused fellow Americans all the same.

Michael Arceneaux is a Houston-bred, Howard-educated writer and blogger. You can read more of his work on his site, The Cynical Ones. Follow him on Twitter: @youngsinick