It would’ve been too much like right if Herman Cain had fallen back into the political abyss after ending his pretend presidential campaign.

Unfortunately, because the 24-hour cable news network has been a hotspot for trolling, FOX News has rewarded the pizza man by signing him on as a contributor – presumably to fill the vacate crazy spot left open by the dismissal of former Alaskan governor Sarah Palin. According to Bill Shine, the news organization's executive vice president of programming,  "Cain's impressive résumé makes him a valuable addition. As a political expert with business savvy, he brings an important voice to the nation's debates.”

Yes, I’m laughing, too. Thus far, Cain’s contributions to FOX News has been complaints like the country’s biggest problem is a “deficiency of leadership” while whining that 51 percent of voters have a “severe ignorance problem” for reelecting President Obama. Hey, Black conservatives, this new FOX News hire isn’t going to do much for morale.

As much as incendiary, fact-challenged and logic-deficient commentators make for great TV, couldn’t have FOX News reached out to some other Black conservatives with lesser counts on the crazy scale?

I have a few suggestions:

Amy Holmes: She has appeared on FOX News before, currently guests on CNN, but now serves as a news anchor on Glenn Beck's TheBlaze network. Now, given Glenn Beck is a psychotic religious zealot with racist-leanings, this probably paints Amy in a bad light. However, there ain’t nothing going on but the rent, so maybe money was behind this questionable decision. Save her, FOX News. At least she’s actually bothered to look at actual legislation before blabbing a bunch of nothing about it unlike the former Godfather’s Pizza CEO.

Michelle D. Bernard: The conservative commentator often offered a thoughtful balance to the left-leanings of Hardball host Chris Matthews and also seemed to notice that her party had made an exit for Crazy Town and never looked back. That’s an impressive feat among that ilk, if I do say so myself. Plus, she hosted the MSNBC special About Our Children, which featured Dr. Bill Cosby and explored poverty and education reform. That beats Bill O’Reilly’s “Those Blacks and Latinos are ruining us all” shtick.

Michael Steele: The former Maryland lieutenant governor is probably too busy enjoying the sanity over at MSNBC, but look, do what you have to do to get him, FOX News.

Harold Ford Jr.: The former congressman is a Democrat by name, but as the last chairman of the now-defunct centrist group, Democratic Leadership Council, most would fairly conclude that he sounds like a Republican half the time anyway. And one can’t forget the images of him posing in front of a Confederate flag. That ought to make him quite the popular guy over on that network. However, convince him to get a proper line up, though.

Uncle Ruckus: Look, if you’re going to go the self-loathing, Black-bashing, say the racist crap you’re white self is thinking but can’t get away with saying route, why not go all the way with it? Besides, it’ll help Aaron McGruder raise money for his Uncle Ruckus-based movie .

Make no mistake, I don’t plan on watching any of this, but I’m all about helping people realize their best selves – or whatever it is Oprah talks about on OWN.

Michael Arceneaux is a Houston-bred, Howard-educated writer and blogger. You can read more of his work on his site, The Cynical Ones . Follow him on Twitter: @youngsinick