Ever since your cousin met her now-fiance on Tinder, you’ve decided to go ahead and give online dating a try. However, after six months of being on the app, you still haven’t had much luck with snagging dates with (somewhat) normal and attractive people. As an experienced dater—
who has met lots of handsome, successful men through dating apps—I have some advice to help a you get your digital dating game started off right.

Replying too slowly

Each person on a dating app is probably communicating with a number of other people, so if you take two weeks to get back to someone, they will likely take it as an indicator that you aren’t interested—and that you only decided to reply because you didn’t find anyone better.

Replying too quickly

Both men and women can get overwhelmed when a simple introductory text message turns into a three-hour late-night chat session. Messaging back and forth frequently during a short period of time often creates a false sense of intimacy that often does not hold up in a face-to-face meeting.


We don’t need to know that you slipped into a year-long depression when your wife left you for your daughter’s fifth grade teacher or that you have a crusty foot fetish. Some things are better left unshared until you’ve been dating the person for several months.

Communicating with no personality

When messaging people, share something interesting (but not too interesting) about yourself. Write messages that people feel motivated to reply to.

Kaneisha Grayson is a writer, entrepreneur, coach, and the author of Be Your Own Boyfriend: Decide to be Happy, Unleash Your Sexy, and Change Your Life. You can follow her on twitter @KaneishaD.