I am a 34-year-old, full figured African American female and I have been single for 2 years. Since my last relationship, I haven’t been able to attract the attention of any African American men. I’ve never dated outside my race and honestly I’ve never wanted to. I’ll admit I was curious about being with a Caucasian male and I “hooked up” with one years ago, but nothing happened just harmless touching and kissing. I have always been attracted to only African American men and could always see myself settling down with an African American man and raising a family, but now I’m starting to have my doubts.

Out of an act of desperation, I decided to join an online dating site with my focus on African American matches only to get matches from Caucasian men only. I then decided to join a couple of dating sites tailored to African Americans, again only replies from Caucasian men. My dating expectations are realistic: I’m not looking for a millionaire with a Ph.D. so I can’t seem to grasp why I’m not getting any interest.

My issue is: I’m not attracted to Caucasian men and I’m not interested in dating one, but what do I do when they are the only men I can attract?

My dear love muffin,

I would encourage you to step out on faith and date any man who is willing to love you the way you need to be loved. Why not a Caucasian man? As they say… don’t knock it until you really try it. You should focus your energy on being your future man’s ideal partner which would include accepting him for who they are regardless of race. You never know whose spirit you may attract and vice-versa.

Alternatively, you can choose to be patient and hope that one day your dark knight in shining armor will come. I’m a firm believer in that there is someone out there for everybody but also believe that it’s possible to overlook them if we are not careful.

As a person who comes from an interracial household, I’ve learned how firsthand how beautiful it can be. There’s a great chance that you’ll have more in common than you expect. Sure we all have preferences, but those preferences shouldn’t prevent you from being open to something that could potentially be what’s best for you. Don’t let anything stop you from finding the love of your life.

At the end of the day, we all want to be loved. I would hate for you to miss out on something that’s truly beautiful simply because you didn’t give it a chance.


B. Scott

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