Dear B. Scott, I’ve been with my current boyfriend for two years and I feel like we’re in competition with each other and I don’t like it. How do I talk to him?

Ok love muffin, let me just start off by saying a little jovial competition between partners can be healthy if it motivates you to further develop your own skills and accomplish achievements.

With that said, one of the most important things to remember about a relationship is that you are a unit. When competition goes too far, it’s almost like your right leg is competing with your left leg…but you need both of them to walk.

You have to be careful not to get so lost in the pursuit of 'winning' that you lose sight of what happens when you don’t win. There’s a difference between being constructively competitive and being chauvinistic with your ego.

In my first relationship, my partner and I would ‘flip’ houses together. When we started out, we would take different areas to design and attempt to ‘outdo’ each other. Even though we acquired new skills and individually got better at what we did, the final result suffered due to the fact that the overall house wasn’t cohesive. Our competition hindered our performance.

If you don’t like the competition you feel that you’re in, express that. Let him know how you feel and that you want to build a life based on working together not a rivalry.


B. Scott

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