Dear B. Scott:

My fiance wants me to ask you this question. I am from East Africa. Two years ago, I met my African American queen. I am a math professor and she is a human resources specialist. We make a good living and I proposed two months ago. We have not had intercourse before marriage, but we are affectionate. We've been talking about everything before we plan the wedding to make sure that everything is laid out on the table. The problem is that she wants me to get circumcised before we get married. It's a sticking point for her. I am against this because genital mutilation is a pretty terrible thing for women in my home country and I don't endorse it for men either. We have fought about this often and she always drags out some scientific research against uncircumcised men and I then counter with my own research (can you tell we have graduate degrees?)

Should I make the cut or cut it out with my fiance for good?

Love muffiin, if you don’t want to circumcise yourself, then you shouldn’t. Never allow anyone to make decisions about your body except for you.

Your fiancé, she should respect your decision especially being that it’s rooted in your culture. At the end of the day, you’re the one who has to ultimately live with your decision for the rest of your life.

Have you thought about having children together? If you decide to have children together, it is likely she would want to circumcise them as well. What if you get divorced? You would have gone against your cultural beliefs and changed yourself physically for a marriage that you’re no longer in.

Accepting and loving your future spouse for who they are is one of the fundamentals for a healthy marriage. As your soon to be wife, she should be willing to accept you ‘for better or for worse’, not saying being uncircumcised is worse… it’s all a matter of personal preference. I definitely wouldn’t get married to someone who didn’t completely embrace who I am, just as I am.

You shouldn’t have to alter your body for the altar.


B. Scott

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