Dammit man. Don’t you just hate when you know that you have to end a relationship that’s actually good for you? I know, many people are probably wondering, Why would you end a relationship that’s good for you? Let me explain.
If we are lucky, we’ll meet someone who changes our life forever … and in a good way. They’ll bring out the best in us, be great to us for a season or so and provide all that we need in a mate. It also will be temporary because we change, he or she changes and you simply outgrown each other. But how can one tell if they are outgrowing their relationship, or is simply experiencing the ebbs and flows of love?
Here are five ways to help you determine if you no longer are “meant to be.”
1) You no longer challenge each other.
You are like two ships passing in the night. There’s no fiery passion and you willingly accept that this is where your relationship has landed. The work, excuse me, the “relationship” …has become so routine that you just don’t see a way to fix it. So you don’t try to connect, you refuse to date your mate and you’d honestly rather just “do your own thing.” While it is always good to accept your mate for who they are and encourage autonomy, becoming complacent is never the way to go. This is the surest sign that there really is trouble in paradise.
2) You’re not excited to be in your relationship.
Getting up every day in love simply doesn’t move you like it used to. No, every day won’t come with lyrics to Jill Scott’s “So In Love With You” echoing in the background, but if you feel more apathetic than grateful for your mate, you may have outgrown each other.
3) You get more fulfillment from outside sources.
Spending time away from your partner is becoming not just the norm, but a very strong highlight of your day. You start to seek fulfillment from others more and more. Understand that while it’s great to live a life that is independent of your relationship, your mate should always be a priority. If you find yourself placing your relationship further below your list of priorities, then not only are you possibly outgrowing your significant other, but you most likely should be single.
4) She or he just “isn’t the same person.”
He was so enthusiastic and adventurous when you first met. She was so attentive and thoughtful in the beginning of your relationship. Now you don’t know who the hell you’re sleeping with every night. While people change, it is very important that the characteristics and traits that made you decide to spend life with them remain. We cannot control how someone evolves, but certain things are in our DNA. Someone who is genuinely kind doesn’t stop being generous and thoughtful overnight. If a person is adventurous, while they may calm down a bit, understand that their enthusiasm will not disappear. In life, you either grow together or grow apart. A relationship does not change that. If the direction that you’re evolving in is different from your mate, do not be upset; simply accept that this is where you are in life and make the decision to peacefully move on.
5) The thrill isn’t on vacation; it’s dead.
Every relationship has its dull moments, but if the thrill (i.e. passion, lovemaking—if physically able to—and/or excitement) is gone, then you may have outgrown your relationship. If what used to excite you no longer does and a revamp can’t fix it, then perhaps you may need to accept that your season together is coming to an end.
Not every relationship ends on bad terms. There isn’t always a betrayal of some sort or someone going upside their lover’s head. Sometimes …and this is honestly confusing for a lot of people, things just don’t work out. But the primary culprit for things ending on amicable terms is that two people who came together in hopes of uniting as one simply have outgrown the relationship. Just because someone is good to you doesn’t mean they are good for you. Sometimes you really do grow apart. And you know what/ That’s OK.
Shantell E. Jamison is a senior editor for EBONY. She moderates various events centered on love, relationships, politics and wellness and has appeared on panels throughout the country. Her book, “Drive Yourself in the Right Direction” is available now. Keep up with Shantell via her website, Facebook, Twitter @Shantell_em and Instagram @Shantell_em.