When it comes to Twitter, especially #BlackTwitter, certain topics have evolved into perennially reoccurring themes, especially when it comes to discussions around sex and relationships.

From $200 dates, to street harassment, to “dating down,” the timeline is almost assured to be set on fire by some inflammatory hot take that ultimately ignites a fervent gender war. Women who attempt to traverse the line of discord are labelled “pick me’s” and the men who attempt to empathize with the women are called “simps.” Terms like “feminazi” are dashed around and countered with aspersions of “ashiness.”

For people like me who refuse to view the app and the opinions of .jpg avatars as gospel that must be wholly supported or rebuked, these gender battles are mostly entertainment. But whenever the conversation turns into marriage, they go from being slightly amusing to downright annoying.

No topic lights up the timeline like marriage, because for many socioeconomic reasons, it’s an issue that really resonates with people on a personal level. And it’s funny because there’s probably no topic on Twitter that users are less qualified to speak on than marriage. Let me be completely clear here: 99.9% of Twitter marriage advice is absolute TRASH.

I’ve seen women and men go on Twitter and post about the formation and maintenance of marriage, only to be met with a barrage of hate and unsolicited critiques, eventually leading to folks deciding to one-up each other on giving “better” advice. It’s all terrible because these corny marriage tweets and the ridiculous marriage threads are all BS.

99.9% of Twitter doesn’t have a damn clue about who I am at my core and my what my values truly are.
99.9% of Twitter doesn’t have any idea about who my significant other is and what our needs are.
99.9% of Twitter doesn’t understand the intersection of my inner-most conceptualizations of my religious, cultural and philosophical desires.
99.9% of Twitter doesn’t know the heaven and hell we’ve gone through as a couple, how it changed us and how it’s informed our union going forward.
Hell, 99.9% of Twitter’s loudest and most obnoxious pseudo-Steve Harvey’s and Chanel Cooper-Sykes aren’t even in successful, happy marriages their damn selves. Yet, they’ll be the first to launch a tweet talking about, “See the problem with most marriages these days are…”

Man, if you don’t shut the hell up.

Whatever you were gonna end that tweet with is less of a problem than people like you, with your fake ass expertise, believing you are in any position to dictate what success and happiness looks and feels like for a couple.

God bless the folks on Twitter who simply state what works best for THEM. That’s what we need more of, people plainly stating what success looks like for them as a couple and then keeping it moving. I’ll always be here for hearing your individual tales of impassioned prosperity, but when it comes to telling me, or anyone else, about how our households should work based on your model, please feel free to keep that nonsense the hell away from me.

Thanks in advance.

Lincoln Anthony Blades blogs daily on his site, ThisIsYourConscious.com. He’s author of the book, “You’re Not A Victim, You’re A Volunteer.” He can be reached on Twitter @lincolnablades and on Facebook at Lincoln Anthony Blades.