When I met my husband five years ago, I knew from the start that he was the one and loved him instantly. I didn’t just love him as a potential mate, I respected him as a man and when I envisioned my future I saw the two of us living happily ever after.
Then I met his mom.
From the minute I walked through the door she was on me. She attacked everything from my hair to my major at the time and shot rapid fire questions about my intentions with her son. At first, I thought it was the typical parental hazing and held strong through the fire, but when situations kept occurring as years went on I realized it was so much more. One particular incident, my future mother-in-law at the time, saw me out with a coworker having lunch on a nice day and called her son to tell him I was ditching work to have an affair. Another time she came to my apartment for a family dinner and criticized me so much that she and my mother nearly came to blows. Much like Mama Dee on Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, she even tried to hook him up with other women behind my back.
In the weeks leading up to our wedding, things actually seemed to cool for a bit, but just in case, I asked the pastor to skip the portion where he asks if anyone has objections. And he did, but that didn’t stop her from running up to the altar and begging her son not to make this “mistake,” getting carried back to her seat hysterically sobbing and eventually asked to leave. She tried to ruin the most important day of my life, so trust me when I say I hate this woman from the top of my head down to the marrow in my bones.
Before you even ask, no, my husband is not an only child or even the youngest. Yet according to his siblings, their mom has always been this way with the women in his life. For my part I’ve tried spending one-on-one time with her, asking for her blessing, offering to help tend to her beloved garden or cook a holiday meal; still, she refuses to accept me in her son’s life. My husband has been extremely supportive, having multiple conversations and even knockdown, drag out arguments with his mom to defend me and our relationship. In any other situation I would throw my hands up and just refuse to deal with her, but I see the hurt and stress it causes my husband when we fight and I want to find a way to create peace. We’ve also recently learned that we are expecting a child and anyone with awesome grandparents knows that there is no love like grandparent love, and I want my child to have that. But how do I allow someone to love my child when they can’t even bring themselves to be civil with me? She can’t even see me on the street without throwing a jab…how can I trust that she will be good to our child?
Now I know that I’m not perfect and I’ve probably fed into the situation more times than I should have, but there is only so much one person can take. The constant criticisms, manipulations and disrespect are starting to take their toll on me and my marriage. I don’t want to go through this pregnancy stressed and then bring my child into a world of chaos and confusion. It pains me to say that I hate my mother-in-law, but I do. I’ve run out of ways to gain her acceptance and as my life’s focus shifts to this little one, I’m wondering if things will ever change. For her sake, I hope they do because it would be a shame for her to miss out on so much love because she insists on being consumed with so much hate.
~As told to Danielle Pointdujour