I’ve been married for a little over a year so, I’m still considered a newlywed, I guess. My husband is wonderful. In fact, there are moments when I know God made him just for me.

On our first date, I’ll never forget how hard he made me laugh. Even though I didn’t know he would end up being my husband, I knew he was going to be in my life forever. There is only one problem that we have trouble with, we speak different love languages. My first love language is physical touch while his is quality time.

In the beginning of our relationship, we use to be very sexually active and I thought that was the way it would always be until one day he turned me down because he was too tired. That changed everything.

When we got married, we agreed to an open marriage and I was very open and honest about my whereabouts and such. Then, I found out he was hiding things from me, things that weren’t even that big, but still hurt a lot. So, we closed our marriage and turned to our Christian roots to help turn things around.

A few months later, I was speaking to a male friend who I didn’t think had any type of feelings toward me. We would flirt, but again, I didn’t think anything of it. One day, he expressed his feelings for me, and when I told him I was married, it didn’t deter his efforts in making me feel good, which was shocking to me. Normally, when a single man finds out a woman is married, the advances stop. With this particular gentleman, it didn’t seem to matter. He wanted me regardless of my status and his desire for me made me realize what I was missing. The desire of being wanted. Even though in the back of my mind, I figured this was maybe a thrill seeking or bucket list thing I just let happen.

So far, I’ve cheated on my husband with him twice, and no, he is not better than my husband.  I must admit, however, his desire for me makes me want to see him again indefinitely. He made me feel sexy and desirable while my husband makes me feel beautiful and truly happy. Some people would say this is an easy decision, but unfortunately for me it isn’t. We’ll probably end up doing marriage counseling, but I’ve already started texting this guy again and the temptation is great. For now, I will fight it until I can’t fight anymore.