meek mill drake amen

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For a two-week period in the spring of my sixth grade year, the stars somehow aligned to allow me to “go with” Carmen Jackson—who was only the baddest girl in the entire school. And an eighth grader. Now, “going with” someone at that time basically just meant:

1. You had her phone number



2. People said, “Damon is going with Carmen

3. You sat next to each other on the bus

But still. This was a lot. Because she looked exactly like Meagan Good. And was in eighth grade! Technically, there were only two years separating us. But eighth grade girl is to sixth grade boy what Michelle Obama is to Fetty Wap. I’d pulled off the heist of the century. But, again, it only lasted two weeks. And there were numerous reasons why, but you could distill them down to two:

1. I had absolutely no business going with her

2. She eventually realized I had absolutely no business going with her

I was not equipped—mentally or emotionally—to be in any type of romantic relationship with a girl who was a few months away from high school. I was doing Atari moves on a Super Nintendo.

As devastated as I was, that experience taught me a lesson. While it’s great and necessary to be ambitious and assertive and have dreams and aspirations, it’s also vital to be aware of your limitations. Basically, stay in your lane. And if you do decide to merge into the faster lane, be prepared to speed up. Because if you don’t, you might get run the fu*k off the road.

Unfortunately, young Robert Rahmeek Williams did not learn that lesson. Just a couple weeks ago, he was riding comfortably in his own lane. It wasn’t the best lane. But it was a good enough damn lane. Better than most. But then he got a little haughty and tried to merge his base-model Camaro into the lane with the Ferraris and the Bugattis. And he tried—really, really, really, really tried—to keep up. But then his engine exploded. And now he’s dead. (Figuratively. Not literally, of course.)

The problem with Meek Mill attempting to beef with Drake has nothing to do with Drake being untouchable. Because Drake is not untouchable. He’s basically a human-size exposed nerve, and exposed nerves are, well, vulnerable. He is aggressively touchable. Sh*t, Drake wants you to touch him, just so you notice that he’s been exfoliating. Also, it doesn’t even matter that much that Drake is much more popular than Mill. Nas managed to land a knockout on the much more popular Jay Z in 2001 with “Ether.” And even Jadakiss hit 50 Cent with a combination of brutal body shots in ’04 and ’05.

No, Meek Mill’s problem is that he’s just not equipped with the skills necessary to succeed with this. Although he became popular through battle rapping… he wasn’t actually particularly good at it. He’s not particularly clever or witty; he doesn’t have particularly humorous punchlines; and no one in the history of history has ever raved about a Mill metaphor. He spits drug/murder bars. And often sounds like he’s trying to speak to someone while a blender is running. On a helicopter.

Which is great for the type of Scream Trap Rap he creates. He’ll always get play in strip clubs and on crossfit playlists. But, if attempting to go head-to-head with the current king of the hip-hop hill, you need more than murder bars. Because, well, this ain’t the ’90s. And we all know Mill ain’t murdering no one. So now he’s in an unwinnable feud where everyone—even those on his side—is aware it’s an unwinnable feud. The only way for him to beat Drake at this point would be to literally beat Drake up. Or maybe just hack into his Instagram and give all his pics unflattering filters.

Also, you can’t help but wonder if Mill’s behavior is at least somewhat influenced by the fact that he’s already punching waaaaay above his weight with his relationship with Nicki Minaj—a woman who’s not only richer, more popular and more famous than him, but better than him at what he does for a living. She is his Carmen Jackson.

And I remember while going with Carmen how I’d do things I had no business doing (like pretending my curfew was 9:00 when it was 7:30) just to impress her. Because I realized she was a bit out of my league, and I felt insecure. I have no idea if Mill feels this way. But let’s just say I won’t be surprised if he still makes sure to sit next to her on the tour bus, just in case anyone doesn’t really believe they still go together too.



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