Five episodes in, Love and Hip-Hop: Hollywood — or, as I affectionately call it, The Shitshow on The Handwax — is proving to be just as educational as its predecessors. And no. I did not mean to type “entertaining” or “enlightening” or “enough to make you want to renounce your citizenship.” No. Every time I watch the show, I learn something new. And some of these new things can be turned into applicable life lessons, including…
1. “At the end of the day” can be used as a noun, verb, adverb, adjective, prepositional phrase, gerund phrase, invitation, threat, prayer, sermon, ice breaker, conversation ender, joke, valid argument, punchline, riddle, complete sentence, test, flirting technique, legal tender, verbal agreement, will, and even makeshift frying pan.
In the Love and Hip-Hop universe, there is nothing more universal than that phrase. If Love and Hip-Hop were a household, “At the end of the day” would be the baking soda.
2. We all chose the wrong career
I’m pretty sure none of the 117 people who’d heard of Mally Mal before Love and Hip Hop are reading this, so I feel confident saying no one had heard of Mally Mal before Love and Hip Hop Hollywood. I’m even confident some of you who watch the show are like “Who?”
And even after watching the show and doing a quick Google search on him, I’m still not exactly sure what Mally Mall does. I assume it’s something related to rap music or tattoo parlors. Either way, he’s reportedly worth $20 million dollars, which proves that instead of majoring in English or Mechanical Engineering, more of us should have just decided to go to school to be whatever the hell Mally Mall is.
3. Living with a person will eventually make you act like that person
This is the only rational way to explain how and why Ray J and Teairra Mari manage to sound exactly alike when they’re speaking. Same lexicon, same tone, same inflection, same everything. If you don’t believe me, close your eyes the next time they’re both on screen and tell me if you can tell them apart.
4. If you’re friends with two people who are sleeping with the same person, it’s probably not the best idea to invite them to the same event and force them to speak with each other about the person they’re both sleeping with, because at least one of them might get mad and might want to fight the other one
I really have to thank Love and Hip-Hop Hollywood for teaching me this, because I had no idea.
5. While WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) is a slogan many people attempt to live by, WWYBD (What Would Young Berg Do) is actually more relevant and applicable
You’d have a great and meaningful life if, with each of life’s mysterious and every bit of personal adversity, you asked yourself WWYBD, and then did the exact opposite thing.
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