All Beyoncé, All the Time. That’s the revamped catchphrase of the Houston radio station formerly known as News92 FM, an all-news FM outlet that last week announced a rebranding to B92 FM with a nonstop spin cycle of Beyoncé. In a press statement last Wednesday (October 8), the Radio One-owned station insisted that the move comes after “sustained poor ratings performance and significant financial losses over the past three years,” which in turn led to 47 layoffs. Bummer.
But the bright side for the H-Town BeyHive is that the Queen B is available on-demand 24/7, ad-free! And while some have pointed out that the move is likely a publicity stunt to drum up interest during the station’s transitional phase, maybe a radio hub for the Destiny’s Child diva should be more than a temporary fixer-upper.
Playing program director, EBONY imagines some regular segments that could keep you turnin’ up your radio, radio, radio…
When Did You Become a Bey-liever?
Time: Sundays, 10:30am – Noon
Concept: Beysus worshipers call in to praise the almighty and share testimonies about witnessing the Bey-con of light that is Beyoncé
Sample Song List: “Halo,” “Standing on the Sun”
Early Bird Gets the Perm
Time: Daily, 6am – 7am
Concept: For those who rise with the roosters, this collection of Beyoncé’s best bird anthems is motivational listening for the go-getters untying their hair scarfs and preparing to find a sponsor. (Don’t front like Yoncé ain’t a bird gang OG. Remember “Ladies, leave your man at home/The club is full of ballers and they pockets full-grown,” or “If your status ain’t hood, I ain’t checkin’ for him,” or “Do you pay my automo’ bills?/If you did, then maybe we could chill”?)
Sample Song List: “Soldier,” “Bug-a-Boo,” “Jumpin Jumpin,” “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It),” “Bills, Bills, Bills,” “Irreplaceable”
Time: Daily, 1pm – 2pm (a.k.a. Blue Ivy’s nap time)
Concept: Dedicated to all the Blue Ivys out there (hahaha, just kidding. There’s only one Blue Ivy), this toddler-friendly set features lullaby versions of Mama Ivy’s hits. Grab your blankie!
Sample Song List: “Sweet Dreams” and “Party” played on xylophone; a 10-minute loop of the baby talk and giggles from “Blue”
Feminism at 4
Time: Daily, 4pm – 4:44pm
Concept: A straight shot of girl power, this countdown puts ladies first.
Sample Song List: “If I Were a Boy,” “Run The World (Girls),” “Grown Woman,” “Independent Women Part 1,” “Diva,” “***Flawless”
Farrah and Friends
Time: Weekdays, 5pm – 5:15pm
Concept: Destiny’s Child exes reminisce on pertinent past experiences, i.e. the smell of Beyoncé’s hair or that one time Kelly called herself the group’s “second lead vocalist.” Each segment wraps with a selfish, impassioned 45-second pitch for why a DC reunion needs to happen (LaTavia’s nail wraps, paying Farrah’s automo’ bills).
Sample Song List: Girl’s Tyme demo tape, Destiny’s Child songs pre-2001
Love on Tap
Time: Tuesdays and Thursdays, 7pm
Concept: This early evening playlist highlights Beyoncé’s various odes to the L-word. To boost listener engagement, each week a pre-selected caller auditions an original, Bey-inspired love song such as “Hungry in Love” or “I’m-Pregnant-and-I-Think-It’s-Yours in Love.”
Sample Song List: “Love,” “Drunk in Love,” “Crazy in Love,” Dangerously in Love,” “Dangerously in Love 2,” “Still in Love,” “Through with Love,” “Love on Top”
Virtual Sex With Beyoncé
Time: Fridays and Saturdays, 11pm – Midnight
Concept: Ever wonder what it’d be like? Of course you have. Welp, light some incense, invite bae over, close your eyes tight and pretend she (or he?) is Bey.
Sample Song List: “Speechless,” “Rocket,” “Dance for You,” “Naughty Girl,” “Video Phone”